- Dr. Love in the Media
What should i do? move on or try to get him.. :(
June 30, 2011 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
Everything was goin great.. me and this guy were talkin for like a month..he took me out on dates like to eat or movies or games.. it was awesome :) i really thought he was goin to ask me out sooner or later.. then... out of nowhere he told me i lied to him.. he said a girl told him that i wasnt a virgin.. :( he believed her. Im still one. I told him since the beginnin.. he didnt believe in me and he even told me to my face :/ it hurt me soo much that i decided not to talk to him again. i know what i am and it jus hurts my heart that he didnt believe me. We were really happy talkin but that girl ruined it. he didnt wanna tell me who told him cause he didnt want drama wit me and her. i told him i wasnt gona beg him. its been 3 weeks i havent talkd to him...and i miss him :( i havent textd him or called him. what should i do?
just leave all that stuff like that or talk to him at least to say hi.. please help.
No wonder you're sad! You have a girl who's a snake in the grass, biting you behind your back. Then you have this guy who believes her and not you.
The way he insulted you is very alarming. I have to wonder why you would want to be with someone who treats you this way.
If I had to guess, I'd say that you have been falsely accused in your first family. If that's so, then you'll be drawn to a man who will repeat this familiar pattern. The entire purpose of the repetition is for you to finally prove your innocence. If you can manage this, you will feel vindicated, like your parents finally believe you.
So why isn't this working?
Such repetitions fail because we choose partners who are similar to our parents. In your case, I think you may have chosen someone who has a need to accuse and be right at all costs. This means, you will always fail to prevail in convincing him that you're being truthful. The reason you want to say hi is because you are still hoping to turn him around.
Please resist the urge to reach out to him. You will never change this person's mind. He has an agenda to accuse and be right. He will only do you harm.
Re-approaching and trying again with him is a very dangerous proposition. Why? Because each time you "fail" you are actually being re-injured. This means that instead of healing your original wound grows deeper.
Keep away from him. I believe you. I know you're a person of honor. Find other people who treat you with honor and respect rather than place you on the firing line.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book is mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love.”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show