Sex or Love?

I have a boyfriend who I love dearly. We've been together 3 years, live together, I even moved countries to be with him. He's kind, smart, easy to get on with and everything I thought I wanted in a man.
Then there is Nathan. This man is my kryptonite. We've been friends a long time, very very flirty friends. We've been openly attracted to each other since we met, but always seem to be in other relationships or not looking for one when we meet up. We both love dancing, we can talk for hours about things we're interested in, and he makes me feel warm and loved every time I'm around him. We've been sneaking out to go dancing, or have snuggly movie nights, but up until recently we'd never slept together. We'd come close, but never crossed that line.
Before I moved away with my boyfriend, Nathan took me aside and told that his worries that I was moving for the wrong reasons - because I was unhappy and stressed where I was, because I had met someone new, and because I'm the kind of person who jumps from one brilliant idea to the next without thinking about it overmuch. I told him he was being an idiot, and put it down to him being upset he was losing his salsa buddy.
I've had a long time living with my boyfriend, Chris, and he truly is wonderful. He's a man who always needs to be worshipping at some font or other and since our relationship began has started to like all the same things I like, read the same books, listen to the same music, even completely change his opinions on a lot of topics. It makes things easy for me, and I know he does it because he thinks the world of me, but of late it has started to become a little cloying. More concerning, our sex life is nonexistant. Six months into our relationship I developed a revulsion of sex and sexual things I was still trying to shake off two years later. I hated Chris touching me, and I made him feel like crap a few times because I was too overwhelmed to hide it. He's never been a brilliant lover, very formulaic and animal, no tenderness. In many ways he's a blunt instrument, and thats reflected in bed. I've always been an intensly sexual person and all of a sudden I was uninterested not only in Chris but in the act itself. These days we have sex maybe once a week and for me its always a grit-my-teeth-and-fake-it experience.
I make him sound like an awful person, but in fact he's been nothing but good to me, more than good to me, and I love him dearly, but increasingly that is more as a close friend than as a lover. We've built a life together we both enjoy and find quiet happiness in, but I do feel stifled by his conventional sensibilities.
Just recently Chris has been travelling alot with work, and I've been here alone. This doesn't bother me much, but when Nathan came over to visit his brother, I leapt at the chance to catch up. We went out for coffee and within fifteen minutes I was feeling sexy and fun, more like my old self. we chatted for hours and coffee turned into lunch, turned into wandering around the city. The thing I like about Nathan is that he's a genuine lady's man, he honestly just loves women. He had a new girlfriend, which is why he'd stayed celibate on his recent trip to the UK, but as usual he avoided telling me about her even when I asked directly. He spent hours playing with my feet, my hair, hugging me for no reason, so when he finally kissed me it was no real surprise, but it was lovely and warm and delicate. He gave me a lift home, and we made tea and talked some more. I hadn't thought about it much but I had a vague idea that because we'd never slept together we wouldn't cross that line, so when he started to kiss me I didn't fight it. We kissed and talked for another few hours. We both got very emotional and talked alot about how important we were to each other in a general sense, but he always finished the thought with 'but you wouldn't leave Chris for me" and then changed the subject. When we finally did have sex it took me completely by surprise in a burst of lust that wouldnt let me think to justify it. By the time I was aware of it, it'd happened.
There are alot of things that worry me here. Since that day, Nathan has avoided me, cut short conversations online and by text, which is the only real way we can communicate, living so far apart. Since that day I've realised how much he means to me, how attracted I am to him, and I cannot stop myself from thinking about him every waking minute of the day. I've tried to tell him that but he sidesteps me every time. He knows I'm not interested in turning his life upsidedown, but he won't respond when I ask him to talk things through. Since that day my sex drive has kicked back into gear and then some. Its excruciating, but I'm still not interested in Chris sexually. I've thought about leaving but I really do love him and I don't think I'd be able to knowingly cause him that much pain. Also, despite my current addiction to Nath, he lives in another country and truly isn't in a position at this moment to get into a relationship, even if I thought he was interested in one. It kills me that I don't know how he feels. I think that is what I need to know more than anything, how he feels and what he thinks of all of this. The day we slept together was so emotionally charged, and I'd swear at one point I saw tears in his eyes, but now he's cut me off without a word. He's not a jerk, he's not a guy who's ever just in it for the sex, so why is he acting like one?
I'm sorry this turned out so long, I think if I didn't get it out I'd just burst. Please help me, I can't think straight! I think I'm in love with this man and it's breaking my heart.

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