I'm Still In Love With My Ex, But I Really Wish I Wasn't..

I've known my Ex for years. Our parents went to school together, and since the first day we met, we immediately connected. Also, he only lives a few houses down from me, which made it easier for both of us. I'm only 16 at the moment, and i know there are people out there that say you can't experience love and heartbreak at such a young age. But honestly, it kills me inside as i sit and think about things every night, and as i'm writing this! We are both more or less the same age, i'm exactly a week older than him. We started going out at the begining of March last year, 2011. It lasted around 5 months, not really as long as i'd hoped. He was the one who had actually ended it, still unsure why. I was on holiday at the time he'd ended it, it was only as i came back to England and went on my phone to find a message on a social networking site. It killed me inside, as i truely did love him, more than anyone before! Took me quite a while to finally realise it had ended, and after a few months, i'd thought i'd gotten over everything! Virtually after the break up, we stopped talking to eachother, which i felt was hard, since we'd been such good friends before, talking to eachother every day, to not talking to eachother at all! As we lived so close to eachother, it made it very difficult since we often saw see eachother, but just never said anything.

Only few weeks later, i had heard from other people that he was now seeing another girl, of whom i actually went to school with. After a few more weeks, i got a phone call on my mobile from a private number, and as most people would do, i answered it! There was some guy on the phone, i recognised the voice from somewhere, but couldn't quite catch who it was till i'd put the phone down. They were saying some quite nasty things about my best friend, and i wasn't going to sit there and let them talk about my friend like that. I realised who it was, my Ex's friend. So i messaged my Ex, telling him i knew it was him calling me and saying that stuff. I knew he wasn't the one saying it, but out of the people who were there, he was the only one who had my number! He denied it. But i knew it was him.

Then from then on, it happened to burst into a bit of an argument between us both. By then i had gotten over the break up, and i'm also not the type of person who argues over such petty things! I'v been told i'm quite mature for my age, and like to think that it's true. Almost a year on from when we started seeing eachother, i knew i was completely over everything! Then one day, i got a text message on my phone from my Ex, saying how sorry he was for everything, and how he regrets everything he did. As i was reading it, it really did put the biggest smile on my face, so i replied saying i'd forgive him, i'm not the type of person to hold a grudge. He was still with the same girl he was with before at this time, the one i went to school with. But since then, we've been texting a lot, everyday, like we used too. It always put a smile on my face. He was kind of flirting, even though he was still with someone, but he'd told me how him and his girlfriend were literally at break point, as they were always arguing. He was saying how he really wanted to see me again, but i wasn't sure if i should have met him, beause he was still in a relationship. I still love him, it really hurt inside, knowing he was with someone else! I still love him now, to this day, and even told myself he still loves me back, as i believe he does. Now, he's not with that girl anymore, i was so happy when i first heard about then breaking up, thinking that maybe we could get back together after a while.

But now i'm having second thoughts about the whole situation... It's been nearly a month since they broke up, and me and him are still talking. I do still love him, but i really wish i didn't. I know that if we did start seeing each other again, then there's no chance it could ever be like it used to. Also, if we did end up breaking up again, then i wouldn't want to go back to not talk to him again. I love talking to him. He's always making me laugh, and i love it! I'd love to stay friends, but i just have no idea what to do. I love him, still. I wish i didn't love him, but i can't help it. Should i stop talking to him altoghether? Should i tell him how i feel? I've tried talking to my friends about the situation, but they don't really know what to do either. So the bottom line is, I'm still in love with my Ex, but really wish i wasn't... What do i do? Please help me, it's been bothering me for quite a while now. Jodoe_w

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