- Work with Dr. Turndorf
I'm Completely Depressed but I Shouldn't be I Don't Think
May 15, 2012 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
Hi Dr Love, So my ex and I broke up because I couldn't take him calling me names or being mean or accusing me of cheating anymore. We both calmed down later and agreed to not get back together until all the hard stuff we had to get through was over like SATs and APs and stuff. During our relationship he always was a very jealous person and was very sensitive to cheating. When we broke up, he thought and I thought too we would get back together in the future and we were both going to be successful in life, so we both vowed not to be with another person romantically. I promised him that, but I didn't mean it and he doesn't know that. I never did anything unfaithful and I never wanted to hurt him. I liked another boy and planned to tell him when I knew the other boy liked me too. But I haven't done anything yet. Anyway, the ironic part is I found out through a source I can't reveal that he has been romantically involved with another girl recently. This was a few days after we had broken up that it started. They went to the movies, they went on a walk and they're now kissing and giving each other backrubs and lying in bed with one another. They're thinking of having sex. I'm just so upset about this because I knew this girl liked him a lot before and he never wanted to introduce me to her. It's just awful because when he got kicked out of his house for doing drugs, he moved into a trailer and now they're sleeping together and thinking about having sex. It's also to the point where he's getting jealous about other guys with her. He promised to tell me if he liked another girl and he hasn't yet and I don't think ever will. I'm so depressed because I still love him though I know I can't be with him and I thought he loved me too because he called me a week ago and this was after they talked about having sex and at the end of the call he said that he loved me. It's so upsetting because I was worried that things were going on before we broke up. It's ironic that he was the one accusing me of cheating and now it feels like he cheated on me. I sent him a hateful message when I found out on facebook. He also made a scrapbook of a bunch of pictures of us and he told me if I sent it back to him he would think it would be over. I'm planning to send it back to him with an angry and depressed letter attached. How should I feel right now? What should I do to interact with him?
First of all, you said you’re depressed, when, in fact, you’re boiling mad! When you broke up, you both vowed to not see anyone else romantically and he broke his word. He also promised to tell you if he liked another girl, which he didn’t do. Then, you heard through the grapevine that he’s seeing another girl and even thinking of sleeping with her. To top it all off, he called you and told you that he loves you while he’s involved with another girl and about to sleep with her. You feel hurt and betrayed and angry.
The fact that he accused you of cheatingSee Infidelity. during your relationship is extremely infuriating, especially considering that he’s doing the very thing that he accused you of.
Before you waste precious energy worrying about how you should interact with him, you should instead be focusing on understanding: 1) why you remained with a boyfriend who was so destructive and attacking toward you; and 2) why you would consider returning to such a person.
From the way you described his treatment of you, it sounds like you have an Old Scar from childhood that is being played out in your adult romantic relationships. If I had to guess, I would say that you were raised by a parent that berated and falsely accused you. I encourage you to read my book Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First). My book will help you identify the exact Old Scar that you are suffering from and show you how to heal it. As you heal, you will see that you are fortunate to have been saved from enduring a life of misery with this guy.
Regarding the question of how you should interact with him, clearly the unhealed you that is carrying your own Old Scars will be tempted to interact with him in a very different way than the healed you will after you heal your unfinished business.
When you are healed, you will see just how damaged this guy is and how incapable he is of forming a relationship. When you heal, and you see through healthier lenses, you will be able to just look upon him with pity and feel gratitude for your release.
If you really feel the need to let him know how you feel about his actions, do not stoop to acting in an abusive way yourself. Simply describe his actions and tell him how you feel about them.
I beg you to work on healing yourself. Otherwise I know that you will become a target for another, similar man.
Free Gift With Purchase
LIVE on Hay House Radio network!
LIVE on Hay House Radio network!
"Dr. Turndorf's eternal love story powerfully proves that our loved ones in spirit are waiting for us to reconnect with them! Read this amazing book and discover her new dialoguing technique, which enables you to reconnect and turn grief into peace and joy."
-- Mira Kelley,
Bestselling author of Beyond Past Lives
“I found the book very helpful in guiding people to learn how to tune into spirit messages, and particularly liked Dr. Turndorf's guidance through meditations. In Parts two and three, Dr. Turndorf covered so many of the ways that spirits convey messages and this book will be a great help for people trying to get in touch with their loved ones.
Part 1 was her story of losing the love of her life. Reading about the pain and agony she experienced and SO MANY people experience will be healing to know that others experience the same emotions after the passing of a loved one. I think the first part could be a book on it's own merit because it is so beneficial to people dealing with the same intensity of grief.
As a scientist myself, I was glad to read that she didn't focus on a religion. As a medium, I have come to know that "god" not of a religion, but is the consciousness of all living things. Like Dr. Turndorf I've learned that all people are equal and all creatures part of all existence (and with "souls.").
I particularly enjoyed reading how she used her talent/mediumship to help people overcome their grief. Readers will get a lot out of this book and know that their loved ones are always connected.”
-- Rob Gutro,
Author, Medium, Scientist
“I could not put this book down!!! It is so gripping from the first few words, and beautifully written. Dr. Turndorf’s courageous story of her reunion with her beloved husband after his death and the heartfelt stories of others serve to validate what many may have privately experienced but discounted as just a by-product of grief and loss and not really “REAL.” The book’s simple and powerful techniques provide essential tools for connecting to loved ones in spirit and will allow scientists to amass new data from lay people, other than mediums. Your book will make a profound contribution to the now significant scientific data already collected in laboratories around the world studying survival of individual consciousness after death, while adding richly to our own sense of love and peace. Thank you for the Gift!”
-- Linda G. Russek, Ph.D,
Former Co-Founder and Co-Director of the Human Energy Systems Laboratory, U of Arizona, Co-author of The Living Energy Universe
“This is the most beautiful true love story that I have ever read. The depth of the author's love for her husband and her terrible grief at his death, and then her triumph as she learned to continue her relationship with him even after his death are all palpable. I lived it with her, and her story has stayed in my mind. For me, though, the reason to read this book is the author's wisdom in teaching her readers how to heal rifts across the death boundary.
As one who has done extensive afterlife research, I can attest to the importance of post-death healing of relationships to both our dead loved ones and ourselves! Yet few people know how essential this healing is, and fewer still know how to begin it. As a prominent relationship counselor, Dr. Turndorf tackles this essential area, and she does it well. Hers is a wonderful book.”
-- Roberta Grimes,
author of The Fun of Dying: Find Out What Really Happens Next and The Fun of Staying in Touch
"Exceptionally well written from beginning to end, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased is as informed and informative as it is inspired and inspiring. Especially recommended to the attention of anyone who is suffering from the loss of a loved one."
Midwest Book Review
“Love Never Dies is an astonishing and refreshing story of survival of consciousness. She clearly shows the many ways spirit can communicate through us and with animals and even objects. I could hardly put the book down, and I have read many of these types of books. This is a great read for those who have lost a loved one and are looking for answers to the ways spirit makes contact with us, and also how we can contact spirit to make peace. I highly recommend this book.”
-- Dave Campbell,
Certified Windbridge Research Medium (WCRM)
“When I held this 248 page spiritual giant in my hands, even before I started turning the pages I knew I had found a special guide that would help me through one of the hardest journeys I have taken. To love so deeply and completely and then to have the person removed from my physical life is hard enough, but then to find a way to stay connected with them is even more frustrating.
So it was totally Heaven sent when I was asked to review this gentle messenger that helped me to stay connected, to recognize the connection and to even validate the connection.
I also loved the way the author shared on such a deep and personal level it helped me to not feel alone and gave me courage to bypass my mind. I would recommend this sweet giant to anyone who feels the loss of a loved one. Thanks so much Jamie for the awesome blueprint. “
-- Riki Frahmann,
Chief Reviewer for the ezine Mystic Living Today
"As a colleague of both Jamie and Jean, I have been blessed with firsthand witness to their devotion and mutual love, in life and now through death. In her eloquently written new book, Dr. Turndorf has made their everlasting love accessible to all. Just as the uniqueness of their emotional connection radiated to me, it will radiate to you, the reader, in this groundbreaking work that will guide you to reestablish your relationships with loved ones in spirit... and even make peace, if needed."
-- Dr. Robert S. Pepper,
author Emotional Incest in Group Psychotherapy
"In her book, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased, Turndorf teaches a method for dialoguing with the departed which holds tremendous healing potential for everyone who has lost a loved one. Turndorf is passionate in her certainty that we can actually communicate with those we’ve lost. Since reading Love Never Dies (which describes the dialogue process in great detail) I’ve used Turndorf’s technique and it has opened life-changing doors for me. It’s a powerful process, and I encourage everyone who feels ready to try it."
-- Ken Page,
L.C.S.W. from "A Life-Changing Exercise for Anyone Who Has Lost a Loved One" published in Psychology Today
"I just finished reading Dr. Turndorf's most recent book, LOVE NEVER DIES, and I highly recommend it for everyone who wants to connect with a loved one who has passed on to the Spirit Realm. This book tells the heartfelt story of the author’s tragic loss of her husband and his subsequent messages to her from beyond the veil, and it outlines the steps we should take to communicate with the spirits of the people we loved on Earth."
-- Garnet Schulhauser,
author of Dancing on a Stamp and Dancing Forever with Spirit
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack,
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book provides a down-to-earth, easy to apply, proven method for creating relationship harmony. This book should be mandatory reading for every couple that wants to head-off or resolve the inevitable relationship conflicts and build lasting love. Buy this book and put it to use!”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show