Feelings for Her (forbidden?)

First I was embarrassed to write about this, then I thought it better to ask out openly than hiding out.  I think about my mother while masturbating, almost 90% of the time. Strangely, if I need to get a full erection quickly, only thinking about her makes it. Mostly I don't imagine her nude, but imagine her in bra and petticoat.

I'm from India, and I believe my mother is a very decent woman. You might be aware of the traditional Indian wear saree, which my mother normally wears. She strips her saree even in my presence, revealing herself in a blouse and petticoat, which in-turn exposes her parts like stomach, midriff, navel, cleavage, and clear shape of her breasts in the tight fitting Indian blouse.

There had been times she even striped down to bra and petticoat, but showing her back to me, facing the wall. It may be normal for a mom to be in her bras or bikini in America, but in Indian culture, a mother won't expose herself in bra.

She used to ask me to adjust her bra strap - in the back only, to place it inside the blouse border, and while doing this I get to see her ample cleavage and bra covered mounds as I stand close behind her and as she loosens the ends of her blouse near her shoulders on front.

Also she comes out from bathroom covering herself in her petticoat alone which barely covers her breasts to upper thighs, leaving exposing her back til her hips and in front exposing her full thighs. I got attracted due to these exposures, and inside my mind I'm longing for all these.

There was once she asked me am I wearing my underwear. I replied yes, then she asked why my pant zipper portion is bulging? I was embarrassed as I was having an erection. So she notices my things.

One night while sleeping, one of her breasts was half visible out of her blouse as few hooks were unhooked (I don't know how). I got aroused, and I lifted the side of blouse above her breast. Then I touched her breast and nipple slowly, then also placed my mouth there like kissing, I did this for some 10 minutes, then felt she's about to get awake. So I left the blouse open and rushed back to my bed. We were in the same room only, after some 15 minutes she opened her eyes and covered her breast and hooked the blouse. I really don't know it was accidental or not.

My final question is it ok to think about my mother for my masturbation? (I'm unable to avoid thinking of her)

Signed: A Good Son

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