I am single, 22 & know this guy Jin (22) as he is my dad's friend's son. We visit each others' places often in family meetings etc. and our families are quite informal and close. He has signaled a few times earlier that he is interested in me. I like him a lot but haven't reciprocated. Last week, my parents were outta city & Jin was at my place. After dinner, I somehow lost my control and had sex with him the whole night. Since then, I've been feeling very depressed & highly embarrassed about it. This is primarily because I lost my virginity to him & I couldn't stop myself because it was highly enjoyable. Now, I don't know what to do. He wants me to meet him but I'm unable to face him due to embarrassment & guilt as I spent the whole night with him & it was all consensual. But the family context is driving me nuts. I'm unable to get him out of my mind & concentrate on anything. What should I do?
Signed by: 

I hear that you are mortified with embarrassment and also feeling depressed and guilty. You say that it’s the “family context” that is driving you nuts. Meaning that you are embarrassed to face him in front of your family.

The fact that you feel ashamed in relationship to facing him in the presence of your family tells me that you feel you have, somehow, violated your family’s values or expectations.

You seem especially guilty that you spent the entire night with him and couldn’t stop yourself. The fact of having such strong urges and giving over to them seems wrong and shameful to you.

I wonder why?

The urge for sex is a basic survival instinct. And it’s a very powerful drive that is hard to ignore!

If you were starving for food, and hadn’t eaten in days, and you gave over to your basic survival needs, would you feel so guilty?

What’s different about sex?

Perhaps you were raised in a conservative family? Perhaps they taught you that sex outside marriage is a sin?

Part of growing up is deciding who you are and how your values differ from those of your parents.

Some people are quite comfortable having a booty call and see it as no different than satisfying the craving for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. So long as they’re safe and not taking risks with their or health…And so long as they are being responsible and not bringing a poor innocent and unwanted child into the world, no harm no foul.

To me, sex is never just sex. People may fool themselves into believing that there can be no expectations surrounding the act; these same people often end up surprised to find that they actually do crave something more than the simple physical, biological, animalistic release.

We are animals; it’s true. But we also have hearts and souls.

To me, the sexual act (when shared in the context of a loving relationship) is our spiritual training ground. When making love to someone we love, we are naturally guided to stretch our hearts, to be more selfless, to put the other’s pleasure above our own. The act itself is a metaphor for the way we are supposed to love. For this reason, I don’t like the idea of divorcing the body from the heart and soul.  

Perhaps you feel ashamed because you know that you acted on the most animalistic part of yourself and didn’t honor the sex act for all that is and can be.

I think you want to honor your wonderfully strong sex drive. But I sense that you are the kind of person who wants to share your sexuality in the context of a loving relationship.

Rather than beat yourself up, use this experience to grow.

Listen to your heart and find out who you are and what you want.

Do you want a relationship with this guy?

If not, what is the most self-loving and responsible way for you to handle your sexual urges until the right partner comes along?

Don't forget, there's more than one reason that God gave us a right hand (or a left hand, if you’re a leftie) and toys galore!!!

Give yourself a break, learn and grow!



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"Love Never Dies is guaranteed to give immense hope to those grieving the perceived loss of a loved one. Dr. Jamie Turndorf, together with her husband, Jean, now in spirit, provide stunning evidence of the continuity of love and life, along with the tools to help anyone connect with those in the unseen world."

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Part 1 was her story of losing the love of her life. Reading about the pain and agony she experienced and SO MANY people experience will be healing to know that others experience the same emotions after the passing of a loved one. I think the first part could be a book on it's own merit because it is so beneficial to people dealing with the same intensity of grief.

As a scientist myself, I was glad to read that she didn't focus on a religion. As a medium, I have come to know that "god" not of a religion, but is the consciousness of all living things. Like Dr. Turndorf I've learned that all people are equal and all creatures part of all existence (and with "souls.").

I particularly enjoyed reading how she used her talent/mediumship to help people overcome their grief. Readers will get a lot out of this book and know that their loved ones are always connected.”

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“Love Never Dies is an astonishing and refreshing story of survival of consciousness. She clearly shows the many ways spirit can communicate through us and with animals and even objects. I could hardly put the book down, and I have read many of these types of books. This is a great read for those who have lost a loved one and are looking for answers to the ways spirit makes contact with us, and also how we can contact spirit to make peace. I highly recommend this book.”

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“When I held this 248 page spiritual giant in my hands, even before I started turning the pages I knew I had found a special guide that would help me through one of the hardest journeys I have taken. To love so deeply and completely and then to have the person removed from my physical life is hard enough, but then to find a way to stay connected with them is even more frustrating. So it was totally Heaven sent when I was asked to review this gentle messenger that helped me to stay connected, to recognize the connection and to even validate the connection. I also loved the way the author shared on such a deep and personal level it helped me to not feel alone and gave me courage to bypass my mind. I would recommend this sweet giant to anyone who feels the loss of a loved one. Thanks so much Jamie for the awesome blueprint. “

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"As a colleague of both Jamie and Jean, I have been blessed with firsthand witness to their devotion and mutual love, in life and now through death. In her eloquently written new book, Dr. Turndorf has made their everlasting love accessible to all. Just as the uniqueness of their emotional connection radiated to me, it will radiate to you, the reader, in this groundbreaking work that will guide you to reestablish your relationships with loved ones in spirit... and even make peace, if needed."

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"In her book, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased, Turndorf teaches a method for dialoguing with the departed which holds tremendous healing potential for everyone who has lost a loved one. Turndorf is passionate in her certainty that we can actually communicate with those we’ve lost. Since reading Love Never Dies (which describes the dialogue process in great detail) I’ve used Turndorf’s technique and it has opened life-changing doors for me. It’s a powerful process, and I encourage everyone who feels ready to try it."

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