Hello Dr. Turndorf!
First off I'd like to say thank you very much for taking the time to read this letter. It is very important to me and I'm thankful that you are here to help ppl like me with their love dilemmas. I'm a just turned 21 yr old with a question for you.
I wrote to you in November '98. 'Woman who has been betrayed'. I wrote to you personally after you answered my question with thanks and you responded. But you talk to millions of ppl so I doubt you remember! You really helped me out and now that I've come to a competely different problem at this current time in my life, I felt I had to write to you. As you helped me out so much the last time.
I have been in one serious relationship besides my current one. I was 16 and was with a total loser for 4yrs until he cheated on me with my bestfriend. I took your advice and got myself together for the year and a half after the big ordeal. I met a wonderful guy in December of '99 and we've just had our 1 yr and 2 mth anniversary.
Here's the problem. For the last couple of months on and off, I go into this confused, sad and angry state where I feel I am no longer attracted to my man. He's done a couple loser things in the year but basically has been a good boyfriend. He's very affectionate and now I'm am starting to suffocate.
Right now I feel like I no longer have any sexual attraction to him. I find myself staying up reading at night just so he'll fall asleep! I also find that we just don't mesh anyone. I've gotten to know him so well and there's not much to him.
He didn't complete high school and basically all he does is go to work and then come home and watch tv or play video games. (We've lived together for 11months) I like to read, exercise and am constantly making new goals for myself. I have done so much growing since I got out of the that bad relationship two years ago that kept me from growing.
My current bf doesn't have any goals whatsoever. Sure, he wants to marry me and have children. But I want to accomplish so much more before I do all of that. I want to travel, enroll in college and eventually go into social work. I work 2 jobs and go to night school where I am 3 courses away from getting my high school diploma.
My bf does many stupid childish things. Like driving stupid and sometimes acting just very childish. I need to know what I can do about this relationship. From what I have told you what would you suggest I do, to help me discover whether I have outgrown him. Can I make this work?
To be honest, I really want to take a break and just think about what I want. How do I do this without hurting him?? The last time I took 'a break' my fiance cheated on me! I just feel very uncontent with my life even though I have a great family, job and am living with a great guy. It's like we don't 'click' anymore.
I just want to be doing my own thing & find I've been going out a lot lately. Just hanging out with friends and talking endlessly. Am I a total loser for just not wanting someone who's so sweet?
I wish it wasn't this way, but it's the way I feel. I'm very scared but I want to be out on my own. I moved home with my parents when my last relationship ended. So I didn't really get the 'living all by myself' thing I wanted after the horrible break up.
I suppose I thought it would go away. Please help! You helped me so much once before and I don't know who else to ask! Thank you for your time. :o)