Wannabe Don Juan
July 5, 1999 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
I'm hoping you'll pick my question, you might find it interesting. i come from a school where there is a very limitied selection of girls to date, I have tried four of the ten free girls that I thought i could date and have a good relationship with, failing each time, I tried each in the order of ease to date( not trying to say their easy, but the ones I thought would date me. )
Now I am stuck on the toughest of all, a girl I have loved my whole life, as I think back over it, i realize that whenever I needed someone to hold or talk to for the past 16 years, since kindergarten, she was the one. I could have dated her any of those times, and only God knows why I didn't. Now she is not at all interested, she only torments me by flirting with others while looking at me. I thknk it is some kind of payback.
My problem is how to aproach the unaproachable? I know i can make her happier than anyone else could, how do I tell her? One last bit of information, she comes from a very strict family, sincerely,
Wannabe Don Juan
If you sense that this girl is paying you back, then it's likely that your instincts are correct. The fact that she would invest so much energy in sticking it to you means that you matter to her. If she didn't have any interst in you, she simply wouldn't notice you. And, she certainly wouldn't make the effort to try to make you jealous. I also think that she is too afraid to put a move on you, since you have passed her over in favor of others for many years. At this point, you will need to take the bull by the horns. She is not going to approach you, since she probably feels unwanted by you (you did, after all, choose to date everyone but her). You will need to be the one to make the move. So, get up your nerve, approach her with your heart wide open and let your words speak what is in your heart. It is hard to resist someone who cares as much as you do. Tell her what you told me. Tell her what's wonderful about her. Tell her why you want to be her boyfriend. If you think that it would be helpful, explain to why you think you never asked her out. You might say, "You have been such a faithful friend and, for some strange reason, I always thought of us in those terms. Then, when I dated so many other girls and compared them to you, I realized that the reason why it never worked out with any of them because they weren't you (or they weren't like you)." After you talk to her, let me know what happens.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book is mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love.”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show