- Dr. Love in the Media
Ten Ways to Keep Romance Alive
July 31, 2003
Top Ten Tips
- Don't Stockpile Anger Deal with whatever is bothering you in the moment. Stored resentments destroy romance in two ways: 1) they cut off positive feelings; and 2) they eventually explode in words or actions that destroy the relationship. No relationship, no romance.
- Play Together Sharing fun times builds intimacy, the soil for romance. Make a snowman. Have a pillow fight. Play together like you did when you were young.
- Grow Together Trees grow until they die, so why shouldn't people? If either one of you stops growing, the relationship will feel stuck in a rut. A relationship in a rut means no romance. To break out of the rut, and rekindle romance, start growing together. For example, take a course on a subject that interests you both.
- Make a Date A fun way to keep romance alive is to recreate one of your first dates. Dress the same as you did way back when and visit the same restaurant. Doing so will resurrect the old feelings of excitement.
- Take a Trip Down Memory Lane Travel together to a spot you visited when you were lovers. If you can't get there in person, then look at the photos of one of your early trips. Remember the smells, sights and sounds. Recall how you felt back then. Recreate a special moment from that trip, right in your own living room.
- Take Initiative An excellent way to rebuild and maintain romance is to take initiative. Do something for your mate that you know he or she likes, e.g. give a candlelit massage or prepare a favorite dish. The point is that taking initiative conveys your love, boosts intimacy, and sparks romance.
- Keep Listening If you have been together for a while, you may assume that you know everything about your partner. Many long-term couples stop asking what the other partner needs, thinks or feels. This pattern leads to feelings of neglect, a major romance killer. Never assume that you know what your mate thinks, feels or wants, no matter how long you've been together. Keep asking and keep listening in order to keep romance alive.
- Keep Sex on the Front Burner Many couples that have been together for a while cut back on sex. Research says that unresolved anger kills the sex drive. Follow step one (don't stockpile anger) and keep on trucking in the sex department. Make sex dates, try new positions and locations. Do whatever you know turns your mate on. Remember: For women, romance is the greatest form of foreplay.
- Say I Love You If you remember to say "I love you" (and offer other caring statements and gestures) five times a day, romance will stay. Remember, five times a day and the romance will stay. Knowing your partner's "Love Language," is important. For some, words of love hit the spot, for others, talk is cheap and actions speak a thousand words!
- Isn't It Romantic? Never assume that you know what your mate finds romantic. For one spouse, watching a football game, clutching a beer, is the height of romance. For the other, this scenario might be the height of boredom. So, make sure you find out what rings your mate's chimes. Then, don't file the information away, like an old research project. Put your information into practice and say and do what your mate finds romantic.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book is mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love.”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show