Should You Give it TIme to See How Things Turn Out

I had been in a serious relationship with a man for six years. We have a two year old girl together. For the past three years we had been living with my parents.

Two months ago he left. A couple of weeks later he moved in with another woman and her two kids. When I ask him about it he says that it's weird, and that we should just give it time to see how things turn out.

Now he's not coming to see his daughter (it's been two weeks). He moved out just when we were financially able to buy our first home. He's always had a tendency to run from his problems.

Should I give him time and hope he figures his life out, or forget him? When he moved in with this woman he alienated himself from everyone that he cared about, including his own family.

Answer: 

Time never heals anything. If you accept his suggestion that you 'give it time to see how things turn out,' then you are agreeing to become his pawn. He is asking you to sit on the sidelines and wait for him.

Putting yourself in such a passive and dependent situation isn't healthy. You need to act on your environment. Decide what you want; what your bottom line is and then let him know.

If you want to focus on his running from his problems, then demand that he go to couples therapy with you. If he refuses to do couples therapy, than you need to lay down the law and tell him that he needs to see his daughter each week. Tell him that the damage he will do to her by abandoning her will be unrepairable.

I would guess that your husband was abandoned himself. I would force him to remember how much he suffered and tell him that he has a chance to heal his wound by giving to your daughter what he lacked as a kid.

It sounds like this guy runs from success and intimacy. Just when you were able to buy your first home and be a family, he runs away and abandons you and your child. I am so sorry for you.

Tags

Add comment

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

Join the Love Revolution

and get your free gift!

Expert Testimonials

"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."

-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."

-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School

“This book provides a down-to-earth, easy to apply, proven method for creating relationship harmony. This book should be mandatory reading for every couple that wants to head-off or resolve the inevitable relationship conflicts and build lasting love. Buy this book and put it to use!”

-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming

"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"

-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012

"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."

-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe

"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."

-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host

"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."

-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show