- Dr. Love's Appearances
- Love Library
Should I Disregard the'What if' Voice in my Head
November 1, 2004 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
I have been dating a girl for about 3 1/2 months. I really like this girl and she is great to me. But I have a friend, another girl, who in the past I was interested in but she always had a boyfriend. She and her boyfriend broke up and she has made it apparent that if I broke up with my girlfriend that we could start something.
I don't know what to do! I really like my girlfriend. I even think I love her, but there is always the thought in my mind 'what if?' Should I try to pursue a relationship with my friend and scrap the one I am in now or should I just disregard the 'what if?' voice in my head?
You really are in a tough spot, but rest assured, your feelings are completely normal. Here's the deal: According to statistics, there are actually 10,000 people in the world who would be perfectly compatible with you. I'm sure this other woman is one of those 10, 000 people! So the real issue here is making a choice and sticking with it.
No matter how much you like the woman you're dating, you will always wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. A man's natural craving for sexual variety always leaves him wondering what it would be like with other women. If you act upon the wondering voice, you will be a relationship rolling stone, someone who never establishes roots.
Ultimately, you need to decide whether you want to be a rolling stone or a person who is settled in a relationship? To settle on one person, you need to feel that the relationship you have with that person meets your needs on most levels. If it does, then why would you go looking for another relationship?
You may also be thinking that you have the potential to have an even better relationship with this other woman. Ultimately you have decide what is good enough for you.
We humans are voracious and insatiable and always wanting more. If you act on your hunger for more and better, you may get more or you may end up sorry and disappointed if you give up your current girlfriend only to find out that this other woman isn't good for you.
You have a tough decision to make. I hope that I have helped to clarify how you can go about making the decision.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book provides a down-to-earth, easy to apply, proven method for creating relationship harmony. This book should be mandatory reading for every couple that wants to head-off or resolve the inevitable relationship conflicts and build lasting love. Buy this book and put it to use!”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show