She's Stabbing You in the Back
April 16, 2007 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
I really need some help. Me and this girl met about a year and a half ago. We quickly became very good friends, but we didn't date because she was seeing someone else.
However, I grew to love her. . . and apparently, supposedly she grew to care much about me too eventually.
She broke up with her boyfriend and we started to date in October. By January, we had broken up ourselves, but neither of us wanted to lose our best friend.
She lost feelings for me, but mine stayed strong. I found myself becoming upset often, and it seemed whenever I was around her I was amazed by this person who I could love so dearly, but was not an option.
We're trying to be friends still, but I keep getting the impression that she is using me for my friendship. She seems to be very immature and plays this 'feel bad for me, I have a crazy ex-boyfriend' bit with other people around her. . . even when SHE is the one calling ME.
I want to know if you have any advice to find out the truth about her, and whether or not I should trust her with anything, be it my feelings or my friendship. We really do consider ourselves to be best friends, but I need help knowing if she feels that way, or if she's just saying that.
I think you feel used and backstabbed. She says she's your friend. She calls you on the phone. Then you hear from others that she's crying about her crazy ex-boyfriend--you! I would talk to her. Tell her what you've heard. Tell her that you thought that you were friends. Now that you find out that she's talking behind your back, you feel played or used (or whatever you do feel). Ask her how she wants you to feel about this. Should you feel hurt? Betrayed? Misused?
I have to say that if she is truly talking behind your back, then she isn't a real friend at all. You're a nice guy and you deserve to be treated with love and respect.
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