- Dr. Love in the Media
Saying 'Congrats' Would be Hypocritical
January 21, 2003 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
my best friend just emailed me and told me she's getting married...i don't know how to respond!
for years she's been telling me she'd be better off without him and that she was getting rid of him but they always make up. she knows he's no good for her but i know there's no changing her mind.
i want to be happy for her but i know it's a mistake and now i don't know what to say...congratulations would be hypocritical. please advise! thanks
Many people believe that they are obligated to say the truth at any cost. I don't subscribe to this philosophy. The rule of thumb is: say what's on your mind if it will be helpful, not harmful.
In this case, I can't say how saying what you think will help at all. She knows all about his flaws, better than you do. There's is nothing that you are going to say that she doesn't already know. She's made up her mind and your words of caution surely won't change her plans. The only thing your words may do is harm your friendship with her.
I understand that saying congratulations would be hypocritical. So you can simply say, "Good luck. I wish you the best." These comments are supportive and certainly true to what you feel.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book is mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love.”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show