Saying 'Congrats' Would be Hypocritical
January 21, 2003 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
my best friend just emailed me and told me she's getting married...i don't know how to respond!
for years she's been telling me she'd be better off without him and that she was getting rid of him but they always make up. she knows he's no good for her but i know there's no changing her mind.
i want to be happy for her but i know it's a mistake and now i don't know what to say...congratulations would be hypocritical. please advise! thanks
Many people believe that they are obligated to say the truth at any cost. I don't subscribe to this philosophy. The rule of thumb is: say what's on your mind if it will be helpful, not harmful.
In this case, I can't say how saying what you think will help at all. She knows all about his flaws, better than you do. There's is nothing that you are going to say that she doesn't already know. She's made up her mind and your words of caution surely won't change her plans. The only thing your words may do is harm your friendship with her.
I understand that saying congratulations would be hypocritical. So you can simply say, "Good luck. I wish you the best." These comments are supportive and certainly true to what you feel.
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