I have been involved in a very emotionally unhealthy relationship with my husband for 10 years, married for 4. Five months ago, he had a fight with my mother and I went numb inside and our whole relationship fell apart. We now have lawyers and a meeting set up to separate.
During the past 5 months of not talking to me, but livivng in the same house with him being emotionally abusive to me, I have had a lot of time to look at myself and I see that I might have created a lot of problems. I also had a substance abuse problem that I blamed on him. I told myself that I did it because I couldn't handle the fighting.
Now, the meeting is 4 days away and I have had considerable doubts about whether I want my marriage to be over. We come from two totally different worlds and dysfunctional families and have serious communication problems, but he is a good man with a good heart who my family thinks isn't good enough for me. I have allowed their opinions and my own issues to sway me in my decision to separate.
The problem is that now that the end is near, I was completely honest with him and told him that I wanted to make a full commitment to him and go to marriage counseling once a week and try to make it work. We have spent the last 3 days having intimate conversations about the issues in our relatioship, but he is being the mature one. He's saying he doesn't think he can go through me saying I want a divorce again.
But, what's confusing me is that he keeps hugging me and kissing me and wants to fool around, at the same time knowing that he is going to sit in a lawyers office and end our relationship. The passion is still there, but I feel like all he wants is sex, although it hasn't happened. I know he loves me, but now he suggested that I let him buy me out of the house and then I live here for a couple more months and we try to work it out. Then, if that doesn't work, the legal stuff is done and I can just leave.
I want an equal partnership and I don't want another man. I just want to stop the fighting and control issues. I want to call the meeting off and find a marriage counselor and slowly build back trust- but all he seems to care about is being physical with me.
I don't know what to do, should I try to make this work or should I let him buy me out and just date him. I feel our problems are when we are living together every day, getting along. When we dated everything was fine, we just became too dependent on each other.
I really need some advice here because I've realized I have low self-esteem, lots of insecurities and I was way too needy with him.
But, I love him and I want to make it work. What do you think?