Man Whose Wife Would Rather 'Pass' on Sex
November 30, 1998 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
I'm a 39 year old man and still love sex. But my wife (38) thinks it's some kind of chore. When we are making love it is great but that is only 1-2 times a month and that is not enough for me. How can I get her more interested in sex, or is it to late?
What a great question. Before you can get her more interested in sex, we need to figure out why she isn't interested. There are quite a few questions here. For example, has she always been disinterested? Is this a recent occurence?
If her lack of drive is recent, then you will need to explore what turn of events could be responsible for the change in her.
Let's start by examining her hormone picture. She's not going to be moaning if her hormones are out of balance. If estrogen levels are too low, which occurs when a woman is in peri-menopause (the decade before menopause), a woman can lose her sex drive. And, likewise, if progesterone and testosterone levels are off, a woman's sex drive suffers. See a gynecologist and check this out.
In addition, make sure that nothing is upsetting her in her life. Job stress, and family worries can really deflate the sex drive.
And, finally, you will want to find out if something is not working for her in the relationship. For example, is she harboring resentment toward you? Unrecognized anger is apowerful anti-aphrodiasiac!
And, on a related note, long-term relationships can easily go stale. And, when a woman no longer feels romanced and special, her sex drive soon becomes an'ex' drive.
In order to keep a woman's sex drive humming, she needs to feel like her lover's or spouse's number one girl. And, bringing home a paycheck, being a good father and/or not cheating doesn't cut it. Women require daily reminders that they are loved and special. The best way to do this is to initiate acts that you know mean a lot to your wife. For example, if you know that she likes to be massaged, then you could light some candles and give her a massage. The key here is that you must initiate these acts without her having to nag and remind you. When a man takes the initiative to do what he knows his wife desires, she feels loved and cared for. And, when she does, her body lights up with desire.
I have given you a lot to go on. Once you make sure that her body is functioning fine, then the rest is up to you, tiger.
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