Man That is Revolted by Overweight Women

I am a 56 year old male and a problem that while not causing me a lack of sleep, does cause me concern as to why I feel as I do about a certain subject....and that is that as far back as I can remember (certainly back as far as my earliest elementary school years, I have always been adverse, or turned off by 'overweight' females....and by 'overweight', I am not referring only to those ladies that are 'morbidly obese'(which can sometimes bother me so much I can actually become nauseated....but in general to any woman that might be described as 'pudgey', stout, full-sized, etc.

When I meet or interact with any such persons, regardless of any other attractivity, i.e., pretty face, pleasant personality, people skills, intelligence, cleanliness, neatness, or most any other positive attribute, any thought of personal social and/or romantic interaction is 'dead on sight' and never improves regardless of any continuing interaction(s) with the person involved. I can maintain a professional relationship.

My feelings regarding this bother me because I certainly don't consider such feelings healthy or normal. And at the same time, I know I am shorting myself of social/personal growth opportunities that are otherwise enjoyed by a large segment of the population.

However, no matter how I rationalize a situation, I cannot seem to overcome by biases regarding ' overweightness' in women. I have even forced myself to accept situations such as social outings and or 'dates' with women that would normally be regarded as only 'stout' or 'pudgey'...only to have each such interaction end disasterously, i.e., a total lack of any enjoyment and what could be described as an 'unenjoyable evening' for the both of us. Sexual involvement between myself and an overweight woman is a total distaster. Absolutely'nothing happens' of any arousal nature....regardless of how physically or passive the involved woman is. In brief, should her flesh meet mine, I feel nothing except desire to be elsewhere.

Well, I've said a lot, but don't know if I have accomplished anything. I have also undertaken counseling for this same societal bias...but that has ended for the most part with the counselor saying,'Well, if you're getting along well in other aspects, don't worry about it! Yet, I still wish I could somehow be more widely acceptive of those persons that are less fortunate regarding weight to heights proportionate aspects of their bodies. I've tried to reflect upon anything in my past that might have caused me to feel as I do, and for the life of me, I cannot seize on any single thing. I cannot ever recall being abused as a child or for that matter, ever having been mistreated or abused by a woman of larger size. In summary however, although I can socially interact, and to a degree, socially accept (but never really respect)an overweight woman, beyond that, any other thoughts are wasted energy. Your thoughts on this dilemna would be appreciated.


I give you credit for trying to understand the reason for your fat phobia.

I think the reason that you haven't been able to figure out why you feel as you do is because you have been looking down the wrong path. In other words, you have assumed that the only possible cause of your phobia is the fact that you were abused by a big woman. There are, in fact, so many other reasons why a person might feel as you do. I will name a few, and you can see if any one rings the bell.

First of all, many men associate heavy women with 'mother.' And, while it is normal for every child to feel sexual attraction for his or her parents, these feelings are usually buried from conscious awareness. One reason for this burial is because many people confuse feelings and actions, and since it is unacceptable to act on incestuous desires, these incestuous desires get buried so that there is no danger of action. Later in life, when it comes time to choose a lover or mate, a man will often find that he craves a love object like mom. If mom was heavy, he may be drawn to heavy women. But, since it's not acceptable to'want' mom, the unconscious mind may set up a defense against the wish for mom. One such defense is the feeling of repulsion. And, in this scenario, the mind will say, I don't want mom, I'm repulsed by her. And, this can explain why a man might shun heavy women.

Here's another possibility. Many people assume that heavy individuals are self-indulgent, out-of-control pigs, slobs, etc. I have to say here that while we all know that there are heavy people who overeat, the latest research shows that the vast majority of overweight people do not eat more than slender people. In fact, many overweight people (especially those who carry the bulk of their weight on their stomachs) suffer from a condition called'hyperinsulinemia.' And, what this fancy term means is that carbohydrates are not digested properly, which means that they turn to fat. To make matters worse, the latest dietary recommendations include cutting down on protein and fat and upping carbohydrate intake. As a result of this, many people who suffer from hyperinsulinemia have found themselves getting fatter and fatter, not knowing why. (For more info. on this read Barry Sear's book, The Zone, or any of Dr. Atkin's books.)

I have digressed greatly, but my point here is that the common (and mistaken) view is that all heavy people are pigs.

How does this relate to your repulsion? When someone loathes people that are heavy, they actually despise the greedy, piggy, voracious part of themselves. It is very uncomfortable to hate parts of ourselves, so the mind projects (or deposits) the parts that we hate in ourselves onto someone else. In this way, the self-hate is transformed into other hate, thereby taking the pressure off of the self. So, instead of hating my own pigginess, I will hate the heavy person, who I assume is a pig. And, in doing so, I feel better in my own skin.

These are the two most common explanations for fat phobia. Understanding the real reasons behind the phobia is the first step toward resolution. I hope that this helps.

Add comment

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

Free Gift With Purchase

View my Bigger Game Expo talk where Jean pulled a prank that was captured on film. Send proof of purchase to to view this amazing video!

LIVE on Hay House Radio network!

Love Never Dies Radio Show
LIVE on Hay House Radio network!
Tuesdays at Noon EDT on Hay House Radio
CALL IN TOLL FREE! US & Canada: 1-866-254-1579
International (rates apply): CC+ (760) 918-4300





Expert Testimonials

"Dr. Turndorf's eternal love story powerfully proves that our loved ones in spirit are waiting for us to reconnect with them! Read this amazing book and discover her new dialoguing technique, which enables you to reconnect and turn grief into peace and joy."

-- Mira Kelley,
Bestselling author of Beyond Past Lives

“I found the book very helpful in guiding people to learn how to tune into spirit messages, and particularly liked Dr. Turndorf's guidance through meditations. In Parts two and three, Dr. Turndorf covered so many of the ways that spirits convey messages and this book will be a great help for people trying to get in touch with their loved ones.

Part 1 was her story of losing the love of her life. Reading about the pain and agony she experienced and SO MANY people experience will be healing to know that others experience the same emotions after the passing of a loved one. I think the first part could be a book on it's own merit because it is so beneficial to people dealing with the same intensity of grief.

As a scientist myself, I was glad to read that she didn't focus on a religion. As a medium, I have come to know that "god" not of a religion, but is the consciousness of all living things. Like Dr. Turndorf I've learned that all people are equal and all creatures part of all existence (and with "souls.").

I particularly enjoyed reading how she used her talent/mediumship to help people overcome their grief. Readers will get a lot out of this book and know that their loved ones are always connected.”

-- Rob Gutro,
Author, Medium, Scientist

“I could not put this book down!!! It is so gripping from the first few words, and beautifully written. Dr. Turndorf’s courageous story of her reunion with her beloved husband after his death and the heartfelt stories of others serve to validate what many may have privately experienced but discounted as just a by-product of grief and loss and not really “REAL.” The book’s simple and powerful techniques provide essential tools for connecting to loved ones in spirit and will allow scientists to amass new data from lay people, other than mediums. Your book will make a profound contribution to the now significant scientific data already collected in laboratories around the world studying survival of individual consciousness after death, while adding richly to our own sense of love and peace. Thank you for the Gift!”

-- Linda G. Russek, Ph.D,
Former Co-Founder and Co-Director of the Human Energy Systems Laboratory, U of Arizona, Co-author of The Living Energy Universe

“This is the most beautiful true love story that I have ever read. The depth of the author's love for her husband and her terrible grief at his death, and then her triumph as she learned to continue her relationship with him even after his death are all palpable. I lived it with her, and her story has stayed in my mind. For me, though, the reason to read this book is the author's wisdom in teaching her readers how to heal rifts across the death boundary.

As one who has done extensive afterlife research, I can attest to the importance of post-death healing of relationships to both our dead loved ones and ourselves! Yet few people know how essential this healing is, and fewer still know how to begin it. As a prominent relationship counselor, Dr. Turndorf tackles this essential area, and she does it well. Hers is a wonderful book.”

-- Roberta Grimes,
author of The Fun of Dying: Find Out What Really Happens Next and The Fun of Staying in Touch

"Exceptionally well written from beginning to end, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased is as informed and informative as it is inspired and inspiring. Especially recommended to the attention of anyone who is suffering from the loss of a loved one."

--Margaret Lane,
Midwest Book Review

“Love Never Dies is an astonishing and refreshing story of survival of consciousness. She clearly shows the many ways spirit can communicate through us and with animals and even objects. I could hardly put the book down, and I have read many of these types of books. This is a great read for those who have lost a loved one and are looking for answers to the ways spirit makes contact with us, and also how we can contact spirit to make peace. I highly recommend this book.”

-- Dave Campbell,
Certified Windbridge Research Medium (WCRM)

“When I held this 248 page spiritual giant in my hands, even before I started turning the pages I knew I had found a special guide that would help me through one of the hardest journeys I have taken. To love so deeply and completely and then to have the person removed from my physical life is hard enough, but then to find a way to stay connected with them is even more frustrating.

So it was totally Heaven sent when I was asked to review this gentle messenger that helped me to stay connected, to recognize the connection and to even validate the connection.

I also loved the way the author shared on such a deep and personal level it helped me to not feel alone and gave me courage to bypass my mind. I would recommend this sweet giant to anyone who feels the loss of a loved one. Thanks so much Jamie for the awesome blueprint. “

-- Riki Frahmann,
Chief Reviewer for the ezine Mystic Living Today

"As a colleague of both Jamie and Jean, I have been blessed with firsthand witness to their devotion and mutual love, in life and now through death. In her eloquently written new book, Dr. Turndorf has made their everlasting love accessible to all. Just as the uniqueness of their emotional connection radiated to me, it will radiate to you, the reader, in this groundbreaking work that will guide you to reestablish your relationships with loved ones in spirit... and even make peace, if needed."

-- Dr. Robert S. Pepper,
author Emotional Incest in Group Psychotherapy

"In her book, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased, Turndorf teaches a method for dialoguing with the departed which holds tremendous healing potential for everyone who has lost a loved one. Turndorf is passionate in her certainty that we can actually communicate with those we’ve lost. Since reading Love Never Dies (which describes the dialogue process in great detail) I’ve used Turndorf’s technique and it has opened life-changing doors for me. It’s a powerful process, and I encourage everyone who feels ready to try it."

-- Ken Page,
L.C.S.W. from "A Life-Changing Exercise for Anyone Who Has Lost a Loved One" published in Psychology Today

"I just finished reading Dr. Turndorf's most recent book, LOVE NEVER DIES, and I highly recommend it for everyone who wants to connect with a loved one who has passed on to the Spirit Realm. This book tells the heartfelt story of the author’s tragic loss of her husband and his subsequent messages to her from beyond the veil, and it outlines the steps we should take to communicate with the spirits of the people we loved on Earth."

-- Garnet Schulhauser,
author of Dancing on a Stamp and Dancing Forever with Spirit

"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."

-- Dr. John Mack,
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School

“This book provides a down-to-earth, easy to apply, proven method for creating relationship harmony. This book should be mandatory reading for every couple that wants to head-off or resolve the inevitable relationship conflicts and build lasting love. Buy this book and put it to use!”

-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming

"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"

-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012

"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."

-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe

"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."

-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host

"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."

-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show