I am 30 yrs old, have finally established myself professionally, have a nice house and two kids (one on the way). My wife and I married young (me 19, her 20), and had children 2 or 3 years later.
Now that my life is well established and we are living comfortably (physician assistant occupation), I regret marrying so soon, and feel I have missed out on the best years and only have a few left to experience what life really has to offer. I realize that this notion is selfish but life is too short to stay in a relationship purely for our children, and wonder if continuing in a baseless marriage will do them more harm than separating on better terms still maintaining parental roles and responsibility, but maintaining separate lives otherwise.
To be completely honest, I have recently been engaged in an affair with a nurse I used to work with, and meet her on medical conference weekends in different cities. I have had soul mate/extreme feelings for this nurse, and she seems to reciprocate, but is concerned what divorce will bring emotionally to my family (children). I am honestly ready to start a relationship with her, we are extremely compatible, and have subdued our feelings for each other for more than a year. I realize that these feelings are childish and probably not psychologically healthy, but they are strong nonetheless.
I missed the feelings I share with her (nurse) now: love, intimacy, etc. , but realize that a lot of that is dating fluff/lust. I want to experience single life as well, and know any post-divorce relationship will need time to grow to avoid making the same mistake. I have not had true feelings for my wife for the past 5-7 years, and have stayed mainly because of the children, the affair is a side issue, or so I assume.
I have been faithful for 11 years, honest. Anyone who knows me would be absolutely surprised at my behavior, even my nurse friend was when things began. But I think I have always had the desire to cheat and plenty of opportunities, just never went through with it until now. I see myself, and female friends comment that I am very desirable, and I feel I have so much more to gain emotionally and physically than I have in my current loveless marriage. My wife is not a bad person, gives me anything I want, there is just no intimacy whatsoever, and it is not fair to her to continue if I can have such strong feelings for another woman. I don't know what I want, or what to do.
I guess I am looking for someone to say that divorce is okay in this case, I don't know, my parents are/were happily married. I do not know all that divorce will bring, although I have read up on different experiences. I have no desire to seek marriage counseling, I have given it thought, but don't see any successful outcome (avoiding divorce) that I would be happy with. I need some advice, any advice you could give. Thanks in advance.