I Left to Wake Her Up
May 21, 2007 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
Four months ago, I got separated after 23 years marriage. I'm seeing someone but missing the ex. I am so confused because I think I love the other one. I do have feelings for her. But I don't want let go of the ex.
My stomach hurts when I think the ex is with someone or talking to someone. I just found out that she profiled herself on match. com. I read her profile and talked to her about it. She said she was lonely and needed to talk to someone.
I tried to explain to her that I left because I was not happy with her. I was trying to wake her up about us. Please I don't know what to do. Thank you.
I understand that you left your wife in order to give her a wake-up call. Unfortunately, the wake-up call has backfired big time. You became involved with someone else and she's already begun to look for another man.
The plot is even more complicated because you have become attached to another woman. Basically, you need to decide whether you want to work on solving the problems that led you to walk out or not.
I have the sense that you really aren't ready to give up on the marriage. It's clear you still love your ex and can't bear the thought of her moving on with someone else. Clearly you were terribly frustrated over the problems with your wife. I also understand that you both were at a loss as to how to resolve your issues. This isn't surprising. Neither of you is trained in couples therapy. So be kind to yourselves and understand that if you had been capable of solving your issues on your own, you would have done so.
You need expert help and you've come to the right place. If you both decide that you want to restore the marriage, my book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First), will show you, step-by-step, how to cure what's been ailing your marriage.
Above all, you must be willing to make a commitment one way or another. Either give up the marriage or give up your girlfriend. You can't have both. Since you are so attached to your ex and you aren't ready to give her up, then it makes sense to me that you put your entire heart and soul into fixing that marriage.
If you put all the steps that I outline in the book into place, you will resolve your issues with your wife. Let me know how you do.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
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Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
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Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
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Syndicated Radio Host
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