- Dr. Love in the Media
He's Got Cold Feet
July 23, 2007 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
MY BOYFRIEND AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A YEAR. WE LIVE AN HOUR APART AND IT HAS BEEN HARD BUT WE HAVE MADE IT.
WELL, WE SAID IF WE WERE TOGETHER A YEAR ONE OF US WOULD MOVE TO LIVE TOGETHER. HE MOVED TO MY HOME TOWN, AND AFTER A WEEK SAID HE NEEDED TO GO HOME AND TAKE CARE OF A FEW THINGS.
WHEN I ASKED HIM WHAT OUR PLANS ARE, HE SAYS WE ARE PLAYING IT BY EAR. I WANT PLANS AND GOALS THOUGH. WE GET ALONG GREAT AND I HAVE TWO KIDS THAT HE IS GREAT WITH.
BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE HE IS UNDECIDED. WHAT SHOULD I DO?
It sounds like your boyfriend has cold feet. He moved to your hometown but he didn't move in with you as you had agreed one of you would do.
I would talk to him. Tell him that he seems undecided and ask him to talk about his mixed feelings.
Ask him how he feels about you and the relationship. What works for him and what doesn't? Ask him what part of him wants to hold back.
The best way to resolve his cold feet is to identify and resolve the resistances he has to moving forward. I am hoping that his resistances are not due to deep-seated character issues, such as fear of intimacy and fear of commitment.
These deep fears are themselves caused by an even deeper fear of being abandoned or rejected and/or a fear of being engulfed, swallowed up and controlled. In all cases, these deep fears are caused by childhood wounds.
If his issues are due to early wounds, I recommend his using my Personality Profile. The Profile will identify the cause or causes of his fears and guide him on how to resolve them. When these issues are resolved, he should feel more ready to move forward with you.
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