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He Wants to Change Your Religion
September 10, 2001 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
I just wanted to say that I'm a big fan, you're fabulous. I have a question for you, i don't know maybe if you can answer this question or not but I'll give it a shot-I have been with my boyfriend for approximately 1 year and 8 months.
He is Christian and I am Roman Catholic. Never before did he ever say he had a problem with the fact that were both from different religions. We were engaged last September and it seemed like we were both already considering our lives together ahead.
Now just very recently he came to me with some problems; I want to go to a fashion design school in LA. Were both attending college in AZ right now but I'll be done in December and he'll be done in two years. Before when we talked he always said he would follow me wherever I went now he says he wants me to stay in AZ with him until he finishes college.
Not only is this the problem but now he says my religion is a problem for him. He told me what are we going to teach our kids? and I said you knew my religious status from day one, why is it now you're telling me this? and he says it's because now he is thinking things over very seriously now because were almost adults now and were in college.
Don't get me wrong, I think religion is very important for our future kids' but I also told him that we could incorporate both religions. He told me that he wanted me to change and become a christian, but I told him no I wasn't going to change because he has to accept me the way I am and that means to except everything and that I wasn't going to change for any man no matter how much I love him.
I do love him, I would do anything for him. He said he dosen't want me to change for him but for myself. I don't know what to do as far as LA and the religion thing. What do you take of this situation? I would so much appreciate some input. Thanks Dr. Love in advance. Your fan. . .
Thanks for the kind words. It's very uplifting to hear from a faithful reader. Glad to know you're out there.
This man is slowly trying to take you over. He said you should convert, not for him but for yourself. What kind of garbage is that? You have a religion and have never felt the need to change it, so who is he kidding?
He is also asking you to place your own education and self-development behind his own. He is trying to take you over. This relationship isn't a collaboration between two equal partners. It sounds more like a dictatorship. You need to ask yourself why this man thinks that he can take you over. Notice you said to me, 'I would do anything for him. ' If you say these words to me, he surely knows of your willingness to give yourself up for him.
You don't have to tell him directly; he can read your unconscious and your willingness to wipe yourself out for the man you love. Many women are willing to do this and it is most unhealthy. If you are willing to wipe yourself out, then he will think nothing of making unreasonable demands on you. He will expect you to roll over.
You also need to study if these sudden demands are a smoke screen for a deeper issue: that he is afraid to tie the knot with you. I wonder if he is putting these demands on you all of a sudden as a way of driving you off. You need to ask him this and encourage him to explore the dark recesses of his soul. You also need to ask him why these demands are appearing all of a sudden. Is he getting cold feet? Is he trying to drive you off?
If fear isn't driving his demands, then we are dealing with a man who thinks he can take you over. Before he will stop trying to run you, you will need to grow within yourself to the point that you no longer are willing to say 'I would do anything for him. ' It isn't healthy to think this way and he isn't going to get that he can't demand anything from you until you have shifted your position.
When you have shifted and you mean business, then you can tell him that he needs a major attitude adjustment. He needs to be told that a relationship is a partnership in which both people work together to come up with a life that works for both of them. If his plan to have you live with him isn't good for you, then it isn't good for him, not if he intends to be with you. If you are miserable, so will he be!
He also needs to understand that he has no right to ask you to annihilate your essence, your religion being part of your essence. If he isn't willing to collaborate with you regarding a plan that makes room for your educational needs; and if he can't respect your wish to remain Catholic and find a creative way of raising your children with both religions, you would be wise to do some couples therapy. He will need to understand why he feels the need to control you, and he will need to see that the relationship cannot work if he continues in this manner. Let me know what happens.
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"Love Never Dies is guaranteed to give immense hope to those grieving the perceived loss of a loved one. Dr. Jamie Turndorf, together with her husband, Jean, now in spirit, provide stunning evidence of the continuity of love and life, along with the tools to help anyone connect with those in the unseen world."
Author of Messages of Hope
"Dr. Turndorf's eternal love story powerfully proves that our loved ones in spirit are waiting for us to reconnect with them! Read this amazing book and discover her new dialoguing technique, which enables you to reconnect and turn grief into peace and joy."
-- Mira Kelley,
bestselling author of Beyond Past Lives
“Dr. Turndorf's extraordinary memoir/self-help book provides astonishing proof that we don't die and that we are meant to reconnect and stay connected to loved ones in spirit. Read this book, learn her powerful new method for reconnecting and making peace with the deceased, and you will transform your grief to joy.”
-- Fr. Richard Rohr,
Founder of the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC), and bestselling author of Falling Upward
“I found the book very helpful in guiding people to learn how to tune into spirit messages, and particularly liked Dr. Turndorf's guidance through meditations. In Parts two and three, Dr. Turndorf covered so many of the ways that spirits convey messages and this book will be a great help for people trying to get in touch with their loved ones.
Part 1 was her story of losing the love of her life. Reading about the pain and agony she experienced and SO MANY people experience will be healing to know that others experience the same emotions after the passing of a loved one. I think the first part could be a book on it's own merit because it is so beneficial to people dealing with the same intensity of grief.
As a scientist myself, I was glad to read that she didn't focus on a religion. As a medium, I have come to know that "god" not of a religion, but is the consciousness of all living things. Like Dr. Turndorf I've learned that all people are equal and all creatures part of all existence (and with "souls.").
I particularly enjoyed reading how she used her talent/mediumship to help people overcome their grief. Readers will get a lot out of this book and know that their loved ones are always connected.”
-- Rob Gutro,
Author, Medium, Scientist
“I could not put this book down!!! It is so gripping from the first few words, and beautifully written. Dr. Turndorf’s courageous story of her reunion with her beloved husband after his death and the heartfelt stories of others serve to validate what many may have privately experienced but discounted as just a by-product of grief and loss and not really “REAL.” The book’s simple and powerful techniques provide essential tools for connecting to loved ones in spirit and will allow scientists to amass new data from lay people, other than mediums. Your book will make a profound contribution to the now significant scientific data already collected in laboratories around the world studying survival of individual consciousness after death, while adding richly to our own sense of love and peace. Thank you for the Gift!”
-- Linda G. Russek, Ph.D,
Former Co-Founder and Co-Director of the Human Energy Systems Laboratory, U of Arizona, Co-author of The Living Energy Universe
“This is the most beautiful true love story that I have ever read. The depth of the author's love for her husband and her terrible grief at his death, and then her triumph as she learned to continue her relationship with him even after his death are all palpable. I lived it with her, and her story has stayed in my mind. For me, though, the reason to read this book is the author's wisdom in teaching her readers how to heal rifts across the death boundary. As one who has done extensive afterlife research, I can attest to the importance of post-death healing of relationships to both our dead loved ones and ourselves! Yet few people know how essential this healing is, and fewer still know how to begin it. As a prominent relationship counselor, Dr. Turndorf tackles this essential area, and she does it well. Hers is a wonderful book.”
-- Roberta Grimes,
author of The Fun of Dying: Find Out What Really Happens Next and The Fun of Staying in Touch
“Exceptionally well written from beginning to end, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased is as informed and informative as it is inspired and inspiring. Especially recommended to the attention of anyone who is suffering from the loss of a loved one.”
-- Margaret Lane,
“Midwest Book Review”
“Love Never Dies is an astonishing and refreshing story of survival of consciousness. She clearly shows the many ways spirit can communicate through us and with animals and even objects. I could hardly put the book down, and I have read many of these types of books. This is a great read for those who have lost a loved one and are looking for answers to the ways spirit makes contact with us, and also how we can contact spirit to make peace. I highly recommend this book.”
-- Dave Campbell,
Certified Windbridge Research Medium (WCRM)
“When I held this 248 page spiritual giant in my hands, even before I started turning the pages I knew I had found a special guide that would help me through one of the hardest journeys I have taken. To love so deeply and completely and then to have the person removed from my physical life is hard enough, but then to find a way to stay connected with them is even more frustrating. So it was totally Heaven sent when I was asked to review this gentle messenger that helped me to stay connected, to recognize the connection and to even validate the connection. I also loved the way the author shared on such a deep and personal level it helped me to not feel alone and gave me courage to bypass my mind. I would recommend this sweet giant to anyone who feels the loss of a loved one. Thanks so much Jamie for the awesome blueprint. “
-- Riki Frahmann,
Chief Reviewer for the ezine Mystic Living Today
"As a colleague of both Jamie and Jean, I have been blessed with firsthand witness to their devotion and mutual love, in life and now through death. In her eloquently written new book, Dr. Turndorf has made their everlasting love accessible to all. Just as the uniqueness of their emotional connection radiated to me, it will radiate to you, the reader, in this groundbreaking work that will guide you to reestablish your relationships with loved ones in spirit... and even make peace, if needed."
-- Dr. Robert S. Pepper,
author Emotional Incest in Group Psychotherapy
"In her book, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased, Turndorf teaches a method for dialoguing with the departed which holds tremendous healing potential for everyone who has lost a loved one. Turndorf is passionate in her certainty that we can actually communicate with those we’ve lost. Since reading Love Never Dies (which describes the dialogue process in great detail) I’ve used Turndorf’s technique and it has opened life-changing doors for me. It’s a powerful process, and I encourage everyone who feels ready to try it."
-- Ken Page,
L.C.S.W. from "A Life-Changing Exercise for Anyone Who Has Lost a Loved One" published in Psychology Today
"I just finished reading Dr. Turndorf's most recent book, LOVE NEVER DIES, and I highly recommend it for everyone who wants to connect with a loved one who has passed on to the Spirit Realm. This book tells the heartfelt story of the author’s tragic loss of her husband and his subsequent messages to her from beyond the veil, and it outlines the steps we should take to communicate with the spirits of the people we loved on Earth."
-- Garnet Schulhauser,
author of Dancing on a Stamp and Dancing Forever with Spirit
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack,
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
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-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
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-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show