Dr. Love, this afternoon my spouse called me a dumbass twice in front of our three small children and my teenage son when he became irritated with me during lunch. This isn't the first time that this has happened in our 4+ year old marriage (2nd time around for both of us). I replied back with, well that 's mature calling me names.
We both know that we aren't supposed to name call one another but it still happens between us. I cannot stand my husband when he acts this way and I admit that I do hold a grudge (at least for a time period). During my grudge time period, I do not want him to touch me, come close to me, I lose interest in talking to him (or him period for that matter), I refuse to shower together or have sex in any form with him and do not want to sleep together or near him in bed at night after he calls me names.
As you can see by the current time now it is 3am and I am not in bed with him. I avoid going to bed with him after we have had words between us.
Trust me, he will wake up tomorrow morning and act like nothing is wrong, he will not apologize and he will pretend through his actions and behavior (verbal and physical) that he didn't utter a bad word towards me. He will kiss me as usual, tell me that he loves me and go off to work.
There has to be something wrong with him. This is not a healthy way to love your spouse in my opinion. Is this normal for men because it is normal for my husband. This is at best a bi-weekly occurrence for him to behave this way. I am tired of him acting this way and it does little good sharing with him that I dislike this behavior. He sees no urgency to change his current relationship behaviors. Name calling is just the tip of the iceberg, we(I) waste so much time in our relationship in avoidance of one another(him).
realize I am responsible for whatever hurtful things I do but he rarely ever (and I mean that seriously) acknowledges his part in our disagreements. He is quick to blame me but slow in accepting responsibility for his role in the disagreement. I unfortunately have stopped apologizing as often as I used to when we first married.
Matter-a-fact, I have lost interest in him sexually because we rarely have it and improving our relationship seems to be unrealistic at the time since he won't get counseling. I am faithful to my spouse and not interested in any other men. In most instances, when we are having an engaging conversation that turns into a disagreement based on differences of opinion, he gets angry and walks away. He has yet to finish a disagreement since we married. I know that may sound unbelievable but it is true.
What can we do other than couple counseling because he won't go to that. He claims that he is just fine and he will work out his problems in his own due time. My position is, I don't want his problems worked out at my or the families expense.
I have gone to couple counseling alone and was told to get a divorce. Why is this always the answer? I want to improve my marriage not get a divorce. He has attended two Promise Keeper conventions (God only knows what the true intention there was) and yet he is still mean spirited towards me at least 1-2 times on an average in any given week. We are lucky to go three days without having a disagreement of opinion. When this happens the rest of the week communication barely exist between us.
do not believe he loves me because if he did he wouldn't behave hateful towards me then act in the morning like nothing is wrong and press on with his daily routine. I have on occassion told our children and my two teens that live with us to avoid him and not talk to him or bother him when he is in a mean spirited mood towards me. I think it is in the best interest of the entire family to avoid him when he is in this mind set.
hink at times my spouse is a bad influence for my teen son because I have noticed my husbands bad behaviors being emulated by my teen son.
r three children all his attention and love, I am left on the sidelines watching. Sometimes, I feel like all he gives me is crumbs.
anging on by a prayer.