A Friend Who Judges Me

Dearest Dr. Love, I truly hope that you are well and happy. You deserve it. You touch so many with your advice and your kind words. Thank you kindly. I would be grateful if you could please help me. . .

I feel very confused, hurt and betrayed. I have been friends with a young man ever since I was 15 years old (I am now 24) and he is someone I truly care about, like a brother. I thought I could confide in him and that he would support me and try to understand whatever decisions I make.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. . . I told him that I have been in a relationship with a married man for about 2 years. He knows how I feel about what I'm doing, how guilty and ashamed I feel. It happened when I was going through depression and I was hopeless. . .

Unfortunately, I fell in love with this man, and I still love him very much. It didn't seem to matter to my friend, at first. He actually thought that it was exciting. But then, after a couple of months, he started telling me that I am being selfish, that I have no conscience, that I have no right to have the feelings of love towards my partner because he is not mine, he belongs to another woman. . . He was truly hurtful.

I cried many times in front of him but he seemed not to care. I never told him my boyfriend's last name or address, but he made a few calls and looked on the internet and was able to find his last name and address and other information about him. . . I am terrified that he might call my boyfriend up and cause problems for his family, and I'm afraid that he might also call my parents to tell them about my married boyfriend. . .

My father would literally kill me. He is violent and abusive and very old-fashioned. . . Also, my twin sister left the house recently because the environment was too violent. And as much as I love her, I can't have her stay with me.

She takes drugs, and smokes and drinks and sleeps around. . . I feel really sorry for her and I wish I could help her, but I can't. She needs professional help but she doesn't seem to want it. . . Having her stay with me would make me depressed again.

 

I worked so hard to get a full-time job, to get a university degree, to find balance somehow. . . I felt like he was beginning to be a little jealous because I am achieving something, and he is still jobless and has no degree and is very depressed. . . He also judged me about not helping my sister. He called me selfish and heartless and he said that it's my responsibility to take my sister in, that it's the right thing to do. He even asked me what I would tell Jesus, when I die, about why I didn't take care of my sister?

We got into a big argument about it all and I tried to make him understand that I am not perfect and that he has no right to judge me, even if he doesn't agree with my choices. Finally, all he did was tell me that I just lost a friend and he got up and left.

That was 2 weeks ago and he hasn't called me since. . . I don't know what to do, what to think. . . I have a hard time letting go and this is just killing me. I know that I am not perfect and that going out with a married man is terribly wrong, and I truly wish that I could erase my mistakes. . .

Everything is a big blur and the pain I am feeling is overwhelming. I have not fully recovered from my depression, I am still on medication and I am vulnerable.

Please help, please. . . I trust in your advice and in your words. They will make me feel better, I know they will. . . Take good care and be well.

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