Fifteen Year Old Who Thinks He's Gay
February 8, 1999 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
Dear Dr. Love,
I am now fifteen years old, and I never considered myself gay until recently.
I was never interested in girls, but I didn't really take a note of that because I have a lot of friends. I think I have been repressing my sexuality. I can talk about girls with my friends even though I am not interested in them.
But I think I am falling in love with my male friend Peter, who is definitely not gay - he already has a girlfriend. I don't know what to do. My friends always critisize gay people and I am afraid that they won't accept me the way I am.
This sounds like a common story, but my friend Peter in particular - I am very close to him, and I don't want him to find out. Although I know he will find out sometime.
Please help me
It is not easy being gay in our society, and even harder to be a gay teen. Teens especially want to fit in and be part of the crowd. And, since the majority of people are not gay, it is difficult to feel like you blend when you are different.
Keep in mind that all humans are bisexual by nature. And, the only reason that taboos (social bans) have been placed on bisexuality or being gay is because the species would not survive (no babies would be born) if everyone expressed his or her bi or gay tendencies.
This being said, your real issue is accepting yourself.
If you feel comfortable with your sexuality, your friends and even your best friend should accept you. So, you must make peace with yourself. If you can't do it on your own, you can certainly talk more with me about it (see my private consulting section for your options).
When you feel comfortable with yourself, then you can decide if you want to 'come out'to your friends. Meanwhile, you don't need to say anything to anyone. You must become comfortable first.
Take it easy. You're fine.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book is mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love.”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show