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Feeling Stuck

I feel stuck. The reason why I feel stuck and can't move on is because of the way my last realtionship ended. The relationship was ended by her and her reason was the following: I need time to myself for once in my life because I have been in a couple of relationships for long periods of time and haven't been able to breathe and figure out who I am and have not been able to do exactly what I want.

I think what she wants to do is a beautiful thing and can understand that she is not able to give 100% to me now because of her feelings of personal non-fulfillment. However, she continues to tell me that she loves me and that she can defintely see herself marrying me.

Before me she got out of a 5 year relationhip that was somewhat controlling and then no sooner after that one she met me. We both beleive that we are amazing for each other but it is just bad timing right now.

It is just so hard to move on because we know that it is bad timing (I being ready for a relationship and her not). We have decided to remain friends but I know it's going to be hard.

Should we remain friends? She told me that it would bother her if she were to ever see me with another woman and I know it would bother me vice versa. I can't help but feel stuck becuase of the encouraging things she says about me and us and our future. I always hear her say 'I believe in fate' and 'if we are meant to be it will happen'. It would be so much easier if I had something to be mad about but I don't.

Right now I feel the only way I can shadow the pain I am feeling now is to be with other women. There is no way I want to have anything serious with anyone else because I know my ex is the one.

But I am too young and too good of a man to be feeling all this pain. I have made myself beleive that I need to date casualy to fill the void. There is no doubt that I will be honest about what I am looking for with any women I meet.

I am just stuck and confused and am looking for some third party professional relief. Thank you for your time and believe it or not typing this letter out makes me feel a little better at the moment.

Answer: 

Any action that a person takes is motivated by thoughts and feelings. Many times these thoughts and feelings are not in our conscious awareness, which explains why we have no clue as to why we are acting the way we are.

In order to understand the meaning behind the action that you are engaged in--pulling away from your husband when he approaches you for sex--ask yourself, 'What feelings or thoughts could be leading me to act this way?' You also might want to ask yourself, 'What message am I sending him when I pull away and how do I want him to feel about my behavior?'

Since your behavior is having the effect of pushing him away, I would have to guess that you are angry with him. So, don't be so quick to say that it's not him. Is he making you feel neglected and are you paying him back? Not wanting him to touch you sure sounds like you are mad at him for some reason.

When you figure out what thoughts and feelings are behind your action, then take steps to directly address and resolve these issues. This will put an end to the pulling away, which is only going to make marital matters worse.

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