Do we love each other?

Dear Doctor,

Thanks a lot for handling all lovers' problems. I'm 28 years old and am going steady with a 26 year since last year.

We are in different states. I went to visit her and it was some of the best moments in my life. But the problem is that she has had many more experiences than me and I start to worry if we are really in love or if she only wants to pass the time with me, as she's done before.

From my side, I stopped having relations since the day I began seeing her. I want to marry her, but I'm afraid that one day I will discover than she is not for me and she never was the one for my life.

Once again thanks a lot for helping me sort this out.


The only way for you to figure out what's going on here is to ask her straight out.

Say, 'I care a great deal for you and am concerned that the feelings may not be mutual. I know that you've had other relationships that weren't serious and I'd like to know how you see our relationship. Are you just passing the time with me or do you see us heading for a committed relationship?'

After you say all this, sit back and see what happens. If she hems and haws, then you have your answer. Better to find out sooner rather than later where she stands. You may be dealing with a woman who isn't capable of true intimacy and commitment and if this is so, there's no time like the present to find out, while you still have a chance of saving your poor heart.

Let me know what happens.


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