Do we love each other?

Dear Doctor,

Thanks a lot for handling all lovers' problems. I'm 28 years old and am going steady with a 26 year since last year.

We are in different states. I went to visit her and it was some of the best moments in my life. But the problem is that she has had many more experiences than me and I start to worry if we are really in love or if she only wants to pass the time with me, as she's done before.

From my side, I stopped having relations since the day I began seeing her. I want to marry her, but I'm afraid that one day I will discover than she is not for me and she never was the one for my life.

Once again thanks a lot for helping me sort this out.

Answer: 

The only way for you to figure out what's going on here is to ask her straight out.

Say, 'I care a great deal for you and am concerned that the feelings may not be mutual. I know that you've had other relationships that weren't serious and I'd like to know how you see our relationship. Are you just passing the time with me or do you see us heading for a committed relationship?'

After you say all this, sit back and see what happens. If she hems and haws, then you have your answer. Better to find out sooner rather than later where she stands. You may be dealing with a woman who isn't capable of true intimacy and commitment and if this is so, there's no time like the present to find out, while you still have a chance of saving your poor heart.

Let me know what happens.

Tags

Add comment

CAPTCHA
This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

Expert Testimonials

"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."

-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus

"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."

-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School

“This book provides a down-to-earth, easy to apply, proven method for creating relationship harmony. This book should be mandatory reading for every couple that wants to head-off or resolve the inevitable relationship conflicts and build lasting love. Buy this book and put it to use!”

-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming

"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"

-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012

"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."

-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe

"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."

-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host

"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."

-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show