- Dr. Love's Appearances
Desperately in Love
December 16, 1996 Ask Dr. Love Advice Column
Dear Dr. Love,
I am 20 years old, and I am a college student in Boston but I am from Ecuador (south-America). I met a girl here who is from Spain and she is 19. We met and we were friends at first but after that we fell in love and we have been together for 2 months. I love her, she loves me but the problem is she is going back to Spain this 20th of december and not coming back again.
I am dying, I am desperate, my life is so miserable just thinking about when she leaves. I want to go visit her in Spain but don't know if it is going to be a good idea. I have never been so in love with somebody, she is the right one for me, I know it but don't know if I should keep trying to be together with her after she leaves. I am going back home to Ecuador this 20th also but coming back in january but she won't be here with me anymore.
Sometimes I want to die, please give me advice, I think you are the only one that can help me. Thank you.
Desperately in Love
The level of love that you feel for your girlfriend is rare and so beautiful. Since you say that she is the right person for you, I am surprised to hear you hesitating about whether or not to keep the relationship going. What is the hesitation about? If you are sure of your love, why would there be any doubt?
Could it be that you are unsure about her level of devotion? That is, do you sense that your girlfriend doesn't want to maintain the relationship? Are you reading her leaving the Country as a sign of a lack of commitment on her part? If you are unsure about her feelings, you need to ask her to be direct with you in terms of whether or not she wishes to have an ongoing relationship. If it turns out that you both share the same level of caring, then, by all means, move heaven and earth to stay together. And, at the same time, if you must remain separated by a great distance, remind yourselves that the separation is only temporary. Make sure to arrange to rejoin each other as soon as possible.
If, God forbid, it turns out that she doesn't have the level of maturity or patience to maintain a long distance relationship, I can only say she is a fool to give up the kind of love that you offer. I know that if she decides to cut off the relationship that this will break your heart. Promise me that, no matter how heartbroken you feel, that you will not actually take your life. I want your promise that you will go on living and not deprive us all of such a loving heart.
If you are still in pain, contact me again so that we can talk more. And, please let me know how it turns out with her.
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book provides a down-to-earth, easy to apply, proven method for creating relationship harmony. This book should be mandatory reading for every couple that wants to head-off or resolve the inevitable relationship conflicts and build lasting love. Buy this book and put it to use!”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show