Desperate for Advice

Hi, I am 20 yrs old, female, and have just broken up with my first love.

We dated for just over a year and have been best friends for 5. We are both engineering students, and our school life is very demanding. We started to see less and less of each other because of school.

As things were getting complicated, he found out that he got a 16 month job placement out of town.

He says he loves me, but being 20 yrs old, he is not ready for that big of a commitment. What bothers me is that 4 months ago, we were so madly in love that we both were willing to go through it, but something has changed with him. We broke up, the bigger reason being because he is moving away in 2 months.

I feel like he's been manipulating me, and I've been falling for it.

We've been broken up for a week and a half. Last weekend we both went to a friend's party. This was the first time that we were out together broken up.

He ended up flirting with a friend that was there, and they started to get physical in front of me. I was heartbroken to see him act like that after a week of being broken up. After all we have been through. To put me through something like that.

I've been so depressed lately, because I can't get away from him. We all have the same friends. I feel like I'm being excluded. They all live happily ever after, and I stay at home crying. I lost him, along with part of my friends.

I love him so much. But I don't want to push him away. What can I do to get him back? How can I go out with my friends again?


You are having a very rough time.

Your ex hasn't treated you properly at all! Pawing that other woman right under your nose was most cruel and insensitive.

You said that you want him back and don't want to push him away. The reality is he's already gone. So nothing you do or don't do will push him farther away than he already is! From the sound of it, you can't do anything to get him back, I'm afraid. He has already made up his mind.

I think you should be focusing your energy on yourself. You say you're depressed and I'm not surprised. Depression is anger turned back on the self. You should be feeling angry at him, but you don't appear to be. He has disrespected you and downright abused you.

It's one thing to end a relationship. It's quite another to flaunt his interest in another woman so soon after your break up. Focus your energy on understanding why you don't allow yourself to become aware of the anger that I know you feel. Think back to your childhood. What happened to you when you tried to express your anger. Were you punished? Mocked? Or are you modeling after a parent who stifled his/her anger?

Your salvation, both short and long term, depends on resolving your inability to feel your anger. You should know buried anger not only causes depression, it ultimately destroys your relationships. For one thing, the healthy use of anger includes setting limits and asserting yourself.

If you don't assert yourself, if you brush yourself under the rug, why wouldn't your partner follow suit. I have to wonder if this man mistreated you because he knows that you are a person who permits herself to be mistreated. He dissed you because, I'm afraid that he knows that you will permit it.

At this point, if you spoke up and told him your thoughts and feelings about his behavior at the party, you might actually spark in him a feeling of respect for you. Certainly being the miserable, crying, victim won't arouse feelings of respect.

If anything, such behavior would make him feel more guilty and, consequently, angry. Telling him what you think about his behavior, will be a healthy use of your anger. It will lift your depression and boost your self-esteem.

If he walked on you because he had lost respect for you, then your standing tall could, possibly, renew his interest. Whether it does or doesn't, asserting yourself is the way to save yourself in the short and long term.

Add comment

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.

Free Gift With Purchase

View my Bigger Game Expo talk where Jean pulled a prank that was captured on film. Send proof of purchase to to view this amazing video!

LIVE on Hay House Radio network!

Love Never Dies Radio Show
LIVE on Hay House Radio network!
Tuesdays at Noon EDT on Hay House Radio
CALL IN TOLL FREE! US & Canada: 1-866-254-1579
International (rates apply): CC+ (760) 918-4300





Expert Testimonials

"Dr. Turndorf's eternal love story powerfully proves that our loved ones in spirit are waiting for us to reconnect with them! Read this amazing book and discover her new dialoguing technique, which enables you to reconnect and turn grief into peace and joy."

-- Mira Kelley,
Bestselling author of Beyond Past Lives

“I found the book very helpful in guiding people to learn how to tune into spirit messages, and particularly liked Dr. Turndorf's guidance through meditations. In Parts two and three, Dr. Turndorf covered so many of the ways that spirits convey messages and this book will be a great help for people trying to get in touch with their loved ones.

Part 1 was her story of losing the love of her life. Reading about the pain and agony she experienced and SO MANY people experience will be healing to know that others experience the same emotions after the passing of a loved one. I think the first part could be a book on it's own merit because it is so beneficial to people dealing with the same intensity of grief.

As a scientist myself, I was glad to read that she didn't focus on a religion. As a medium, I have come to know that "god" not of a religion, but is the consciousness of all living things. Like Dr. Turndorf I've learned that all people are equal and all creatures part of all existence (and with "souls.").

I particularly enjoyed reading how she used her talent/mediumship to help people overcome their grief. Readers will get a lot out of this book and know that their loved ones are always connected.”

-- Rob Gutro,
Author, Medium, Scientist

“I could not put this book down!!! It is so gripping from the first few words, and beautifully written. Dr. Turndorf’s courageous story of her reunion with her beloved husband after his death and the heartfelt stories of others serve to validate what many may have privately experienced but discounted as just a by-product of grief and loss and not really “REAL.” The book’s simple and powerful techniques provide essential tools for connecting to loved ones in spirit and will allow scientists to amass new data from lay people, other than mediums. Your book will make a profound contribution to the now significant scientific data already collected in laboratories around the world studying survival of individual consciousness after death, while adding richly to our own sense of love and peace. Thank you for the Gift!”

-- Linda G. Russek, Ph.D,
Former Co-Founder and Co-Director of the Human Energy Systems Laboratory, U of Arizona, Co-author of The Living Energy Universe

“This is the most beautiful true love story that I have ever read. The depth of the author's love for her husband and her terrible grief at his death, and then her triumph as she learned to continue her relationship with him even after his death are all palpable. I lived it with her, and her story has stayed in my mind. For me, though, the reason to read this book is the author's wisdom in teaching her readers how to heal rifts across the death boundary.

As one who has done extensive afterlife research, I can attest to the importance of post-death healing of relationships to both our dead loved ones and ourselves! Yet few people know how essential this healing is, and fewer still know how to begin it. As a prominent relationship counselor, Dr. Turndorf tackles this essential area, and she does it well. Hers is a wonderful book.”

-- Roberta Grimes,
author of The Fun of Dying: Find Out What Really Happens Next and The Fun of Staying in Touch

"Exceptionally well written from beginning to end, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased is as informed and informative as it is inspired and inspiring. Especially recommended to the attention of anyone who is suffering from the loss of a loved one."

--Margaret Lane,
Midwest Book Review

“Love Never Dies is an astonishing and refreshing story of survival of consciousness. She clearly shows the many ways spirit can communicate through us and with animals and even objects. I could hardly put the book down, and I have read many of these types of books. This is a great read for those who have lost a loved one and are looking for answers to the ways spirit makes contact with us, and also how we can contact spirit to make peace. I highly recommend this book.”

-- Dave Campbell,
Certified Windbridge Research Medium (WCRM)

“When I held this 248 page spiritual giant in my hands, even before I started turning the pages I knew I had found a special guide that would help me through one of the hardest journeys I have taken. To love so deeply and completely and then to have the person removed from my physical life is hard enough, but then to find a way to stay connected with them is even more frustrating.

So it was totally Heaven sent when I was asked to review this gentle messenger that helped me to stay connected, to recognize the connection and to even validate the connection.

I also loved the way the author shared on such a deep and personal level it helped me to not feel alone and gave me courage to bypass my mind. I would recommend this sweet giant to anyone who feels the loss of a loved one. Thanks so much Jamie for the awesome blueprint. “

-- Riki Frahmann,
Chief Reviewer for the ezine Mystic Living Today

"As a colleague of both Jamie and Jean, I have been blessed with firsthand witness to their devotion and mutual love, in life and now through death. In her eloquently written new book, Dr. Turndorf has made their everlasting love accessible to all. Just as the uniqueness of their emotional connection radiated to me, it will radiate to you, the reader, in this groundbreaking work that will guide you to reestablish your relationships with loved ones in spirit... and even make peace, if needed."

-- Dr. Robert S. Pepper,
author Emotional Incest in Group Psychotherapy

"In her book, Love Never Dies: How to Reconnect and Make Peace with the Deceased, Turndorf teaches a method for dialoguing with the departed which holds tremendous healing potential for everyone who has lost a loved one. Turndorf is passionate in her certainty that we can actually communicate with those we’ve lost. Since reading Love Never Dies (which describes the dialogue process in great detail) I’ve used Turndorf’s technique and it has opened life-changing doors for me. It’s a powerful process, and I encourage everyone who feels ready to try it."

-- Ken Page,
L.C.S.W. from "A Life-Changing Exercise for Anyone Who Has Lost a Loved One" published in Psychology Today

"I just finished reading Dr. Turndorf's most recent book, LOVE NEVER DIES, and I highly recommend it for everyone who wants to connect with a loved one who has passed on to the Spirit Realm. This book tells the heartfelt story of the author’s tragic loss of her husband and his subsequent messages to her from beyond the veil, and it outlines the steps we should take to communicate with the spirits of the people we loved on Earth."

-- Garnet Schulhauser,
author of Dancing on a Stamp and Dancing Forever with Spirit

"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."

-- Dr. John Mack,
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School

“This book provides a down-to-earth, easy to apply, proven method for creating relationship harmony. This book should be mandatory reading for every couple that wants to head-off or resolve the inevitable relationship conflicts and build lasting love. Buy this book and put it to use!”

-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming

"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"

-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012

"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."

-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe

"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."

-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host

"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."

-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show