- Dr. Love in the Media
Dr. Love's Core Therapy Method: Free To Love
I'm so glad you've taken the first step in reaching out to me for help.
I'm happy to help you solve the problem that's bothering you today -- but that's not all.
Whether you're single and searching for love, in a rocky relationship, considering separation, single again following a divorce or death of a loved one, or scared to reenter the dating scene following a bad breakup, it's my mission to help you move past your impasse so that you can experience the blessing of loving and being loved to the fullest.
As you probably know, I'm known worldwide as Dr. Love, and through TV, books, radio, advice columns, and my website, I've helped millions of people create joyful relationships.
As Director of the Center for Emotional Communication, I've spent over 30 years researching what makes relationships fail or flourish. I have identified every pothole on the path to love, and I know how to steer you clear of all of them. Now it's your turn to benefit from my vast experience and knowledge. I promise to walk beside you until journey's end.
Don't wait to get started. Research proves that a strong relationship will improve your health and make you live a longer and healthier life.
Not having a strong connection with another person or having a relationship that's full of conflict is deadly. No kidding. Recent research proves that depression, anxiety, and the stress associated with relationship problems releases cortisol and adrenaline as well as other stress related chemicals. These chemicals damage the endothelium in your arteries and lead to atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries) and heart disease as well as cause premature death!
Stress chemicals also cause inflammation throughout your body. Recent research proves that inflammation is the underlying cause of every degenerative illness and disease known to humankind, so it's no exaggeration to say that your life depends on having a good love life. Don't kid yourself, no amount of healthy eating, exercise, or supplements can counteract the damage caused by not having strong connections with others, or undo the harm caused by a relationship that's not working.
Don't worry -- I'm going to show you how to turn your love life around using my groundbreaking approach, which I call CoreTherapyTM. Instead of Band-Aid therapies, which offer quick fixes and behavioral tricks that cover the wounds that fester inside all of us, I dig deep to uncover the core of your problem, the Old Scars from childhood that actually cause most of our relationship woes.
Once you uncover and heal your Old Scars, you won't need to write me in six months, a year or ten years from now because the same problem has popped up again.
Old Scars resurface in our adult relationships in two ways: the partners we choose and the conflict we experience with our partners. Because our childhood relationships are the psychological blueprint for our adult relationships, we are naturally drawn to life partners who emotionally resemble our parents. We are creatures of habit. Familiar pain is actually more comfortable than facing the unknown.
What's more, the psyche craves to heal the wounds of childhood by repeating them. Repeating the past helps us to work through our feelings and to hopefully achieve what I call a Happy Ending this time around. The Happy Ending is whatever we yearned for as a child.
Burn the following point into your brain: we choose partners who resemble our parents because:
- We are creatures of habit. Familiar pain is actually more comfortable than facing the unknown.
- The psyche craves to heal the wounds of childhood by repeating them. Repeating the past helps us to work through our feelings and to hopefully achieve what I call a Happy Ending this time around.
For example, if your dad put you down, you will choose a lover who belittles you -- not because you're a glutton for punishment, but because your psyche wants to help you to heal. If you manage to get love and appreciation from your partner, your unconscious mind will feel as though you have finally won what you always wanted from your parent.
And no matter how many times you are hurt or disappointed by our partners, we don't stop trying to win our Happy Ending--because the urge to heal our Old Scars is so strong that our unconscious minds never wants to give up. This is called the Repetition Compulsion. Unfortunately, the Repetition Compulsion rarely works; instead of winning the love and appreciation we crave, we end up heartbroken all over again, precisely because our partner is as limited as our parent was and therefore incapable of giving us any more or any better than we received as a child.
There are other ways that our psychological blueprint damages our love life. Even if we manage not to choose a partner like the parent or parents who caused emotional harm, we will find ourselves unconsciously driven to turn our partner into our parent in order to repeat the trauma we suffered as a child, again with the hope of achieving our Happy Ending.
For example, let's say your mother abandoned the family when you were young. This experience left you with a fear of being abandoned. In your adult relationships, you will assume that each and every partner is going to walk out on you, when, in fact, your partner has no intention of doing so. In spite of reality, you are clingy, possessive, jealous, suspicious, or always accusing your partner of cheating, and guess what? Your partner gets so furious to be falsely accused that he/she ends up leaving you. Your unconscious succeeded in recreating your childhood, but once again there's no chance for a Happy Ending.
The wounds of childhood (what I call Old Scars) have yet another way of wreaking havoc on your relationships. They add fuel to the fire and cause endless fighting. How? The mind works by association, unconsciously comparing present events with early experiences. This explains why you react with great emotional intensity to minor things that your partner says or does. This is because your mind is making a connection between what's happening now and what happened to you as a child.
For example, one of my patients was out to dinner with her husband. He kept checking his watch in order to be sure to feed the meter at the right time. She went ballistic and started yelling at him, "I can see you can't wait to get out of here and away from me..." Since her dad had no time for her, her unconscious mind linked her husband and her father; suddenly, all her buried hurt and anger came out on her husband, adding fuel to her fire. Of course, when she loses it, her partner becomes furious in response, and thus begins the cycle of endless fighting.
Because Old Scars are the root cause of most relationship conflict, I will show you how to heal your wounds and teach you new and more effective ways of communicating your feelings so that you can grow closer, not farther apart. When you heal your childhood wounds, you not only improve your relationships with others, you also develop a better relationship with yourself. Your self-esteem and self-love blossom when excess psychic baggage is lifted from your shoulders. You are freed to live in the now and enjoy life and love to the fullest.
Rescue yourself from one more day of heartache. Protect your health from the deadly effects of no relationship or a troubled relationship. Create the best, most loving relationship in the world. And since all of us carry old wounds, do yourself a favor and make sure that you have your partner, spouse, friends, and loved ones read this letter and encourage them to take the necessary steps as well.
The best place to start is with my ground-breaking book, Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First): A Step-by-Step Guide for Resolving Relationship Conflict.
Instead of buying it from a major book seller, you can buy the E-Book version directly from me on this web site at a special price.
Also, use this site to its fullest and browse my weekly free advice columns which go as far back as 1996. You can search by topic or keyword, browse them by year and month, and even browse them by title. All the free advice I have given over the years I have published free on this Web site for the benefit of others. As you will see, you are not alone in your relationship and personal struggles. If you are willing to devote your time to the work, you can break free from your harmful patterns and have the love in your life that your deserve.
I look forward to working with you.
-- Dr. Jamie Turndorf
"If anger and fighting are ruining your dream of a happy marriage, Dr. Turndorf’s conflict resolution program is for you."
-- John Gray,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus
"This well-researched book offers a thorough, step-by-step program that provides tools for couples to heal even the most troubled relationships."
-- Dr. John Mack
Pulitzer Prize winning author and Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School
“This book is mandatory reading for every couple that wants to build lasting love.”
-- John Bradshaw,
Author of NY Times #1 bestseller Homecoming
"Dr. Turndorf is an amazing individual who has wonderful advice to offer men and women of all ages and in all types of relationships. Ignore her counsel at your peril!"
-- Bill Hammond III,
Winner of the Best Historical Fiction Award, 2012
"You are awesome Dr. Jamie. You really are. The best part about you is the way you translate complex psychological stuff into easy to understand and actionable insights."
-- Kajay Williams,
Producer Relationship Advice Cafe
"Let me tell you why you're extremely important now. I really believe your message is there. You're spot on. More and more people should be taking advantage of what you're offering."
-- Michael Dresser,
Syndicated Radio Host
"Good stuff. Great insight. I love your approach. Who doesn't need more healing. I love your idea of using your partner as a healing agent. That's such a great way to see your partner. You give great labels and patterns to look for. I love your method. You make it sound so easy. You have a great website with lots of great information and resources. These are the tools we all need."
-- Dr. Matt Townsend,
Host, The Matt Townsend Show