Can't See the Light

Hello Dr. Turndorf,

This is my situation. I just moved to the east coast after my live-in boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me. We both lived in the west coast, where he's from.

The last 9 months were very hard because I had separated from the military and couldn't find a good job right away, adding strain to our lives. But we were dealing with things and things were starting to get better in the last 2 months, we had plans and we were 'happy'. . . Or so I thought. This man was ALWAYS the sweetest thing to me, he took good care of me, told me he loved me and that I was the woman he had been looking for all his life, etc. . .

I'm also a 'giver' so I did the best I could to be the pest partner to him (in every way). We respected each other very much and had lots of comunication, and lots of laughs, as well! But, from one week to the next, he changed. Not in a mean way, but just looked stressed and dejected. I would ask him what was wrong and he'd always say he was just stressed from work.

Then one day I foud a letter of his to a friend, I read it cause I thought it was for me since it was not hidden or anything and he never kept things from me. This letter said that he was cofused, tired, needed a break from'us' and didn't know how to break it to me because he knew that would hurt me and that was the last thing he wanted to do.

I asked him about that letter and he broke down crying telling me all these things I didn't have a clue about. He never told me the way he felt and when I found out it was too late. . . He wanted to break up with me. I didn't have any money or family I could stay with after the break up so we had to share the appt. we lived in till I saved up some $ to leave. I had to stay there, for a whole month, with this guy that didn't want me anymore and that was the hardest thing I'd ever gone through! I was so in-love still and I was so cofused, because he said it had nothing to do with me.

That I was 'always wonderful' and still his 'best friend'; it was issues (parental relationship, commitment and other baggage from the past I didn't know he still had) and he needed to be alone. He said he was sorry a million times but he had to do this for him and for me too, in the long run. That some day I would'thank him for this '. .

At the begining of the break- up we treated each other as friends, then we went into 'just cordial' mode, but when time started passing by he started getting colder and colder till he turned into a complete ASSHOLE!(So sorry, but there's no other word for it). He just turned into a complete stranger, a person I never knew he could be; soul-less. . .

I finally left without saying good-bye, what for? Just left one morning after he left for work. I figure, he couldn't wait till I got out of there, so why put myself through THAT drama! Everything was said already, it was juts time to start the 'moving on' process. Now, I'm starting a new job (flight attendant), I'm finally relocating to NYC, where I wanted to live for a long time, and 'my life' is moving on (something I'm proud of!). . . But my 'feelings' are NOT moving on along with the rest of me.

We have to keep in touch because of some bills and stuff still pending, but when I talk to him I'm quite'dry', ' because I'm still so angry and hurt that he just ' discarded' me like that without me having a 'say ' about it. I never got a REAL explanation of what I had to do with everything and why was I the loser here. What happened to all'the love' that he said he felt for me? He said he still cared, but at the end, he was't showing it AT ALL!

-So Doctor, what do YOU see in my behavior AND his? Why am I so angry and hurt? Why do I feel like I'll never get over this? I feel like I wasted 3 years OF MY LOVE. Sometimes I feel like I'll lose my mind, I'm tired of crying, and of feeling almost HATE toward this person because I feel he damaged something in me, and he took all the things I loved away from me. I can't see the light, it feels like it keeps getting darker and time doesn't heal anything, it just makes me feel worse. I need help. . .

This has been quite long, but thank you so much for reading on.

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