Afraid to be Intimate

Dear Dr. Love,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years since I was 15. Unfortunately my first sexual experience was forced on me by an older close friend of mine after my 18th birthday.

Since then my boyfriend and I have had trouble getting physically close because I was afraid of being hurt again. Because of that he rejected me out of heartbreak and frustration and I started seeing someone at my old work.

This second person moved very fast and was very rough and forceful as well. As a result of this, I became pregnant and decided to keep the child, but I lost it after the first trimester.

I also found out the guy had a girlfriend at the time, so he disappeared and left me with the child and me fearing men even more than I did after the first rape. However, during all my hardships my boyfriend was there for me and now we are more in love than ever.

We are ready to be intimate, but we are having problems. When we get close, even though I fully trust him, I get very nervous and very scared and sometimes even sick to my stomach.

But even when I relax he can't maintain an erection and he pulls away, though he says he really really wants to. He's also still a virgin. Is he just nervous too? Is there anything we can do to help us relax? Or are we just not ready?

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